APPLESCENTED.

xxx

2010-04-08T15:37:00.003+08:00

I want to punch you in the face.

You piss me off so bad, sometimes.
It's funny how people can act all nice and accomodating in front of you and then talk crap about you behind your back, as if you've never tried to respect their opinions (when all you've been doing is asking them for their opinion of which they themselves claimed that anything is fine)

I'm sick of it.
I need to meet up with Happy People, now. :(

School's so hectic because,
1) Confusion over modules and lecturers
2) Problems signing up for the orientation camp
3) More problems with admission issues, etc.
So irritating.
It's little things like these that make me feel not like going school anymore.

-

2010-04-07T21:57:00.004+08:00

Why is it that the people whom are closest to you, hurt you the most?

Sighhhhhhhhhh.
I hate my mum.

Don't judge me on this, okay. I know there are times where everyone in the household are all happy and love each other. But there are times, too, when you get angry at your parents and things like that, right? You feel so disappointed and cheated by them for various reasons.
For me, my mum has failed to live up to her own expectation. The thing is, I always get angry at my mum more often than not because what she says is never what she does. Her words always differ from her actions, and because of that, I have been let down by her so many times because of these things also known as, false promises.

& today just so happens to be one of those days where I hate my mum and I'm really angry at her that I don't want to elaborate because I've already bawled over it in the toilet like what I always do.

I'll get over this tomorrow.

...
A comment made by a particular online friend the other day made me kind of... worried?

I realize that more often than not, my... words when I blog are very, howtosay, careless.
I hope people don't start judging me on how I blog, though. :(
I don't really know how to say it but, the way I speak on my blog is like my personality, but then again, it's really not. It's like... I blog only when I'm feeling extreme towards something.

I blog only when I'm upset, when I'm feeling lousy, when I'm bored or when I'm really irritated and angry. (Happy is not counted because I hardly blog when I'm happy. When I'm happy, all I want to do is to keep that moment to myself and hope it lasts forever~)

The way I blog is different because, really, typing all sorts of rubbish here is my way of unloading unpleasant feelings that I no longer want. There are times, of course, where I type and type and type and say a lot, but I go back to it the very next day and delete whatever I've typed.

There are times where I regret whatever I've said, and there are times where I don't. There are also times where I figure that this particular entry won't do me good nor harm and that I'll just leave it be.

But... yes. It's like what most people say, it takes two sides to flip a coin. (Or something like that.)
Really, though, my online persona here isn't who I really am on a whole. It's just parts and bits and snippets of me when I'm feeling angry/sad/upset/frustrated/bored/sometime happy.

So take this bit of info and don't judge me by what you read, k? :)
(P.S. Don't judge me too if you don't know me personally!! Most people don't believe that I can get high or start singing out of the blue, but if you ask the people who know me best and who always sit beside me when I'm bored in class.. you'll know~)

& I'm kind of skeptical about starting school again. I'm excited/worried/happy/upset at the same time. My holi-days are wasting away now since I've finished doing (ALMOST) whatever that it was that I had intended to do (OYS/PJS/Another photoshoot/Etc.) and I've left like... 10% at most of each project to finish :D *lazy*
So yes. Just saw my timetable today. Monday at 9am :O.
I am excited to start school, but worried too because I've been out of it for wayyy too long. :/
Oh well. I hope I can get along with my class of 19~ I believe it's 19 (and not 39) from what I hear. That's quite a relief yet quite a pain at the same time, but I'll make it through.

I think people hate me.

2010-04-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

I think everyone, or at least almost everyone, hates me.
.... but whatever.

No srsly, whatever. I've been hated ever since I stopped being psycho-shy, anyway.
I'm very temperamental, I admit that. I get angry very very easily and when I do, I usually can't stop myself from saying things that might hurt other people.
I'm very sensitive, too. I really really hate awkward situations mainly because they remind me of my primary school life; and since entering secondary school, I've made an unspoken, unbroken promise to myself that I will throw away that life and stop being such a shy faggot and actually talk to people before they talk to me. (That was before I realized in Sec1 that there are/were many other shy people like me as well, of course. :l)
I've apologized many times and I've tried to patch up before. But of course if other people choose to remain.... and dwell on the past, that's not something I can help. Hey, I can't force you to forgive me, can I? I can try, but if that's not going to make a difference then I'm sorry, once again. I've always believed in accepting people for who they are (as much as possible), so I'm not going to force anyone, really.

...& of course, I'm selfish. Then again everyone in this world is selfish so there's no point denying it, really.

Anyway.
I have no idea what my certain teacher is counting down for, but I can't be bothered right now (and can't be bothered with people not liking me anymore) because I only have 3 weeks left before E X A M. ;_;
And I'm super worried once again because... how much can I improve?
My advice for myself this time, though, is to just take everything with a pinch of salt.
1. Enjoy it; go to the E X A M and have fun.
2. Leave the room with no regrets.
3. Don't think of success.

And yup.

Just a reminder of how my knees are STILL screwed. My right knee cracks whenever I bend and stand up, and I can't kneel down on it properly without shaking. My left knee is sorta more reliable because I only scraped it and there wasn't much of a wound. Sigh, all this because I refused to see a doctor (parents weren't in at that time anyway, so whose gonna pay? :C)
The picture above is of my left knee, btw.

VENDING MACHINES!
I really really need someone to go running with me. Whose not lazy enough to get their butt off the stinking chair and go running with me? I hate running alone because I feel like the whole world's staring at me and laughing at how I'm not running properly or something. I don't talk to people when I run though, so.... I won't be ignoring you, really! It's like, pacing one another? :C
I really need to go swimming too. My lung capacity is like.... 0. Zero. :/

I must've been a tea farmer in my previous life.

2010-03-31T21:57:00.002+08:00

I must've been a tea farmer in my previous life.

No, really.
How else would you explain the fact that I can distinguish the difference between normal jasmine green tea and jasmine green tea with wheat?
I didn't even have to taste it to know.
I know for a fact, too, that a certain brand of jasmine green tea tastes very horrid but I shan't mention it here, m'kay.
The difference between japanese green tea and jasmine green tea is very obvious, too. I'm talking about bottled green tea here. Sometimes, the bottle is labeled as "GREEN TEA" but what it doesn't tell you is, quite simply, if it is japanese green tea or jasmine green tea.
There is a difference... at least, in taste for me.

On to other types of teas, I've just had a dose of "Strong" tea bought at M&S. (And it's fairtrade! :D)
& it is really awesome because, this is the strongest tea that I've tasted thus far. It's really rich and most of all, it's aromatic. You can actually smell the difference between normal cheapo supermarket tea and this very strong, awesome and soothing English Breakfast tea. It's really superb. In fact, you don't even have to add water to tell the difference - the teabags are enough proof that this tea is ultimately fresher and stronger. (Tastier, too.)

I love it. This is the type of tea that I've been searching for all this while. :)
Well now that I have it in my hands, off to read I shall. Shan't waste good tea, yes?

----------------------------
Oh and, I wanted to discuss what "retail therapy" really is because I've just spent $99 on clothes today and I am freaking not happy (is this what therapy should make you feel?) Oh well, I have no one to blame but myself for succumbing to the awesomeness that is Alice. But hey, it's a once-in-a-lifetime moment. Just let me enjoy it without guilt, m'kay?

I want to fly back to Huahin/Plearn Wan and buy my affordable ($10) shirts. & a lomocam. :(

Not sleeping,

2010-03-30T03:09:00.003+08:00

Not sleeping because I don't feel like sleeping.
I've been... second guessing myself (again) lately, I guess. :/
Today, whilst I was off reading my
Actionscript-book-that-is-probably-close-to-two-weeks-overdue,
I kept thinking about the upcoming shoot and how I would fare in it.
I really wondered why I try so hard to take good photos, and why I bother so much.
I love photography, really, but I guess what really frustrates me is something along the lines of... why am I trying so hard?

Like... sometimes, I feel so sick of photography because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get the results that I want. I really feel like throwing everything away. Reading about drawing API was so interesting and yet when I think of photography, i don't get that same feeling anymore.

Sometimes, all I need is for someone to push me from behind.
I guess what I really need most, more than anything, is reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. More often than not I find myself hesitating because I'm afraid to do something wrong. Oh why...

I miss my English music. Lol.
I'll probably get over this by the time I wake up tomorrow.
Still... I really want to be satisfied for once.
I'm working and researching really hard, so I pray, dearly, that I may eat some apples again.

Probably going to animate again tomorrow night
Wanted to do it today but couldn't set the tripod right
The problem lies with the object being too big
Oh woe is me, the possibility seems bleak
It's late now though, I should get some good sleep
Then again I'm not tired so perhaps I'll keep
Trying.

.... 8D
Oh and, screw all you elites who judge and stereotype people. :)

To love, or to be loved.

2010-03-25T02:20:00.003+08:00

To love, or to be loved?

Ask someone this question and they would return you with the very blatant but obvious answer - to be loved.
After all, who wants to live their life loving others, but not receiving love in return?
Surely we, as selfish human beings, would want to be loved and cherished by others.
Why should we love someone, you say, when they won't love you back? It's as though you're giving something but getting none of it in return. In the end, you'll feel like you're at the losing end because you're always giving, but never receiving; because you're always loving others, but never getting that love back.

There are but a small handful who would deny this. With their goodwill and Samaritan hearts they would proudly deny that they do things for the sake of benefit. Everything is done out of charity and simply in the act of helping others. There is no selfish policy of equal exchange that is involved.
It is true. There are people who would do things simply because their hearts are so pure that they could never think of doing anything else but giving.
Then again, it is pointing out the obvious. Of course one wold do it out of the goodness in their hearts; but really, isn't there an exchange as well? In return for your efforts, you get happiness. You get joy from seeing others in joy and you can't help but think about what would it be like had you not helped. You may claim that you don't get anything in return - but that is anything but true, of course. Perhaps it is the sense of pride that you get when you help others turnabout their lives that drives you on to continue helping others. Or perhaps its the happiness that you get. Either way, an exchange is always involved, though not necessarily forced.

Back to the point - of course everyone would rather be loved than to love, right?
An obvious answer to a meaningless question, you say.
Yet today as I looked through my lens and saw Baby J, I can't help but wonder as to how awesome and how wonderful it is to love others.
Recently I've been in a.... family slump and I had woke up this morning, feeling very much as though no one in this family loves me anymore. They don't talk to me at all nor do they even seem to acknowledge my presence. So yes... I've been pretty upset for the entire day.
And I just saw Baby J a minute ago.
She is so precious.
You see, when you feel unloved, only then do you notice the people who have always always always loved you without fail. Baby J is no exception. She follows me around the house, scratches and pushes the door when I'm inside the room and she's not, and she even braves the air-conditioner in the room just because I'm inside. I can tell very much that she has given up so much for me. Perhaps its my affection for/with animals and my very ___ connection with nature that always makes me feel more for animals than for humans (who are no longer animals in this day and age). But yes, I know for sure that Baby J loves me.

I don't know how to explain it, really. But just seeing Baby J... makes me so happy that I can actually love someone. She's so tiny and precious, cold and alone, and just loving someone like that makes you feel all warm and homely inside. So what if others don't love you? At the very least you love someone. Giving love because you can.

Perhaps it is because of my connection with her, or it could be because of this quote that I've remembered ever since the day I read it:
"You live seven to ten years of your life for your dog, but your dog lives her entire life for you."

Makes me burst into tears every time.

When life gives you lemons...

2010-03-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

They weren't joking about lemonade being made.

Do you think its easy breezy all going fine for me?
I'm tired, very.
Everyday people just ask me about everyone else,
And I can do nothing but to respond (bitterly, sometimes).
There's so much pressure at home I don't even know how I got through it all (and am still going through it now). It's really brain-draining and tiring. It makes me question my choices, and makes me wonder if I've really chosen the best path for myself.

Sometimes, defining what is 'best' for yourself can be very hard, isn't it?
Some people may believe that the easy road is always the best, because there is no suffering, malice, hurt, jealousy or pain. All there is is never-ending happiness and a wonderful life.

On the other hand, some people may think that the path filled with obstacles, hurdles and all sorts of demonic presence is the 'best' path. Not only do they ensure you fall down, they allow you to pick yourself up. They help you to grow as a person, to be stronger, to be better. But what if you don't clear these obstacles? What if?

My thoughts just keep jumping and swirling about in circles for one very simple reason - pressure. I really (really really) want to just run away from it all. How is it possible that you think it's all easy-going for me with holidays and what batshit? I have to deal with so much criticism as well as menacing comments from other people. Most of all, there are so many people around me who seem that they care, but are (caring a little too much, perhaps?) to the point that it seems more like they're trying to bring you down.

But when you crumble, no one knows if you'll ever bounce back.
Most of all, no one expects you to retaliate.
Everyone expects you to be good, to listen and to give in to demands.

It's hard, really.
I'm having mixed feelings about my holidays ending because whenever good (or bad) things seem to come to an end, I suddenly have so many things that I want to do. Then again, change is never a bad thing, I suppose.
That aside, I'm really looking forward to lectures and what not. I need some input into my brain.
Self-studying is hard. It's not just about the procrastination bit, but its also about the understanding/notfallingasleep bit.

Lemonade is sour. Lemons are sour.
Why on earth would you want to make lemonade out of lemons, unless you have sugar and water?

I, surprisingly, am not excited for Saturday.

Blah.

2010-03-18T21:13:00.002+08:00

I'm falling into another slump.
Feeling very tired lately for God knows what reason. Just don't feel like doing anything at all and rotting away in a pile, or sketching 'till my notebook tears, or whatever.
Just so tired, so very tired.

Perhaps I'm sick of my own life.
So maybe, just maybe, things would get better soon. Right after this post I'm going to throw my computer away into some... place, and I'll never touch it for a week. Okay I beg to differ, I won't touch it over the weekend. No wait, that's too short.
I'll just leave it be until I feel like taking it out again to use. Over this weekend without it, at least.

I need some time and some air to breathe.
Too many (much?) things have been getting to my head lately. Or perhaps I'm just messing them up into mesh piles along the way?

It appalls me as to how selfish people are. Okay this has probably appalled and bugged me for a long time, but I have to reiterate once more because some very wonderful incident has just put this fact smack into my face again.

I work so hard just to make life easier for you, and I don't even get a word of thanks. Is it that hard to thank someone? Really?

Some people deserve to be slapped.
I want to ~~cut a bitch~~
The sun can just freeze and cool itself to death.
Ever wondered why the phrase "burn to crisp" seems much more effective than "freezing into ice"?

Mhmm.
Screw all of you who don't reply my smses. I want to throw my phone at you and see how bad it hurts like how I flung it at my brother a few weeks back. Okay, I kid, I don't get angry over these trivial issues. Or do I?

I want a Magnum so I can shoot you AND set you on fire afterwards.
On ice. Sorry, I meant on ice.
I hope that you'll freeze into an ice cube one day. Besides, your heart is already cold enough, so it should induce your entire body to freeze along as well in due time, yes? :)

I just realized I need Dying Tablet over the weekend for this retarded project I'm doing.
Oh man. I'll just disable the internet then.

There's a first for everything.

2010-03-14T22:41:00.005+08:00

It was The Last Day today.
I don't know what to say, really.
I've thought it over and over again on the bus whilst on the way home. I've even thought about it on the shower. I've been thinking about it for such a long time, and yet I still don't know what to say, or how to say it, or how to express it..

It's like the sudden loss of something important.
You feel free because you are no longer burdened to take care of this important whatever, but then again you can't help but to feel sad and irritated because you've lost something that was precious to you. Relieved, yet upset at the same time.

The past 4 days have been exceptional; I've never expected work to be this fun. Sure, it IS tiring, but then again there is so much more to it than just slaving yourself off for those few hours. The people you meet..

I really don't know how to say or express it.
I really really really hate this sort of feeling.
The feeling that you no longer have to oblige to someone else's commands and that you are free, but as a result of that you lose the momentum and the habit of things that have grown so close to you.

I can memorize where the up and down escalators on the 4th floor are.
I can memorize and tell you where the crowd comes.
I can tell you the all sorts of people that I've met; I've never confronted this many people before, and it is truly comforting to know that I've overcome this so-called barrier that was always in front of me.
I have met nearly every single stereotype there is; save for the ones that always stay at home.

I now realize why work can be so fun for some people; because when you work WITH the right people, work is nothing more than play.

I suppose in a way you could say that I/we had it coming. There was an open opportunity for confrontation and an exchange, yet I/we didn't take the offer, simply because. Perhaps it was due to the fact that they have other people whom they are close to as well, making you feel, well, out of place. Then again..

I will not deny.
Nervous, scared, worried, excited, tired, happy, enthusiastic, hungry, disappointed, embarrassed, elated, happy, sleepy, disgusted, bored, restless, happy, tired, happy, happy, happy.

I will miss (Thepeoplewhoalwayslookedoutforus), YL, SY, Blueguy, Canonguy, Boss, Friendly guy, Hair-flip guy, Epsongang, Samsunggirl and Dellguy/J.
Most of all, ILU Shan.^^

Sigh, back to school.
P.S. Much love to the people whom I met coincidentally/askedtocomeanddidcome throughout the past few days. :) I even met Abigail and DK and some people whom I thought I'd never see.

You're only 17.

2010-03-04T19:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel so inferior and worried.
I do feel apprehensive about my choice, and I certainly do think what my life would've been had I chose the other route.
I do finally understand what is so "bad" about my choice.
I do understand why people insisted that I should've chose something else.
Yet I do know that I don't regret whatever I have chosen for myself.

I don't know how to phrase this, really.
I suppose you could say it's because I'm afraid of what will come.
Here I am, standing alone, with no one by my side.
Everyone has gone on with their own lives and their own paths, and here I am,
About to embark on my new path, but by myself.
I'm afraid of what will happen, and what will come, and what I will become.

I'm so afraid that I'm lagging behind.
I'm afraid that no matter how hard I work, I will never be able to catch up with everyone else.
I have seen how people change.
I've seen how people think they're more mature; how people lose their focus to study; how people are so easily influenced by others in their decisions; how people change to become more selfish than what they once were.
I've seen nothing but a mere pinch of everything, so how can I not be afraid?

Sometimes, I wonder if I've really set out on the right path for myself.
I'm not regretting it, but I can't deny that I am worried.
Then again, sometimes I ask myself...
What on earth am I worrying for?

I'm only 17.
I still have godknows how much time in front of me, to realize, to find and to seek what I want.
I have so much more to live; so much more to give.
Why should I be afraid of a wrong step; when wrong steps help you learn your mistakes and find success?

Perhaps all I need right now is for someone to push me from behind and tell me that I should never look back, because there is nothing wrong when you don't even know what's ahead of you, anyway.

Sigh, sigh.

I've set my goal before 20. My brother's goal to set up a business has inspired me a lot.
It may seem rather impossible, but then again, the impossible is only the untried.
I will work harder.

BACKLOG UPDATE!

2010-03-02T18:38:00.003+08:00

Feeling dead tired now because I've just finished 1/2 of another series *happy*
Productivity is good. I hate slacking around.
Which reminds me, where did my entire February go?
Sigh.

Backlog update.
1. Cruise to Penang 2009
2. Picnic @ Marina Barrage w Zhihui/Whinni (2008)
3. Bintan trip w Whinni~ (2008) 4. Fraser Hill holiday (2008)
~~5. Bakerzin macarons (?) (2009)~~
6. Christian Lacroix, SAM, Food exhibition (2009)
~~7. Night at the school waiting for parents (2009)~~
~~8. Chinese intensive (2009) [Omg I miss chi intensive lessons T_T]~~
9. Fruit cake from Fruit Paradise (2009) 10. Night Safari (2009)
11. Yeesh + Earth Hour (2009)
12. Heartbreaker & GeeDee (2009)
13. Brother's assortment of food (2010)

Goodknows what other stacks of photo rubbish I have left to post-process. +_+
Having mixed feelings about submitting all sorts of school rubbish now. Lol.

Michiko e Hatchin

2010-02-28T00:35:00.003+08:00

Michiko e Hatchin.

(Photo credits)

Michiko e Hatchin is a brillant anime unlike any other. Set in Latin America, Michiko e Hatchin strays away from the conventional 'ecchi'/teen genres where lead characters are mainly fair-skinned and purely Japanese. In its place is Michiko Malandro, a relatively dark-skinned escaped convict who rescues the series' other protagonist, Hana Morenos (Hatchin), from her abusive foster family. The duo then set out on a journey around cities in Brazil to search for Hiroshi Morenos; Michiko's supposed lover and Hana's biological father.
The series and the plot is relatively simple - the woman and child travel from city to city in search of a man and encounters many hardships and setbacks on the way.

Yet what puts this anime in a different level from many others is, however, the various connotations and double meanings in each filler. One of these can notably be found in Episode 3, of which Michiko meets Pepe Lima, a stripper in a nightclub who very much resembles Michiko herself. Pepe works to earn money every night so as to raise enough for her and her little sister to escape to a safer district. After a failed attempt to steal money from their boss (as well as IDs from Michiko), however, Pepe kneels down and begs Michiko for help. Michiko does nothing but offer Pepe a measly wad of cash; all this because Michiko does not want to put Hatchin's safety at stake. At the end of the episode, Pepe is seen getting out of a cab and being confronted by the gang of children at gun point - all this just after the boss issued the order to shoot the thieves on sight.

Despite it's captivating storyline that puts you on a roller coaster ride (you could be sobbing your heart out one moment, thrown into violence the next, and sobbing again), Michiko e Hatchin does have it's flaws. Much is not explained at the end of the series, such as the presence of Michiko/Hana's tattoo, as well as to why Hiroshi has an extra 'L' to his name. The true reason as to why Hiroshi keeps running away is not nitpicked on as well; perhaps he could, really, just be a typical wuss. Perhaps this could've been a overlooked error as well, but the presence of "April 31st" in one of their episodes is something that seems too obvious to go unnoticed. Perhaps it is the lack of explanation for certain elements in the story that has led many to be unhappy and unsatisfied with this series.

Besides the unexplained, Michiko e Hatchin scores well as it also distinguishes itself through its music and captivating artwork. The music is composed by Kassin, a Brazilian musician (no less) and is produced by none other than Shinichiro Watanabe himself. Watanabe is famed for 'blending multiple genres of music together' into one anime, his most noted works being Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo.

The overall combination of wonderful music paired with smooth animation and detailed artwork makes Michiko e Hatchin a visual treat. Though it may lose it's pace through the many fillers throughout the story, the story does come to a conclusive and realistic ending (Episode 22). On the whole, Michiko e Hatchin is an anime series that definitely deserves much more recognition; it is a must watch for fans who are looking for a good anime series beyond the surface.

xxxxxxxxxx
P.S. There are many other characters in the series that play a distinctive role in the overall story. These include officer Atsuko as well as Monstro leader Satoshi. They do add spice, but I believe what is most distinct in the entire series is the presence of bonds. (Notably between Michiko & Hana)

I may be the antagonist, after all.

2010-02-23T20:05:00.001+08:00

I really hope that for once, you'd take the responsibility and DO something instead of simply sitting there, waiting for things to happen.

Please don't rain the next three days. I need this much.
I feel really bad because I've inconvenienced so many people just for the sake of the next three days. Firstly, my parents are affected because they have to push their work aside and skip their lectures and tutorials. This is affecting their work and income, isn't it? Though it'd be a much needed rest for them, I do understand that it is not easy to rest when your mind is somewhere else.
Next; my brothers. One has to stay in camp, and he can't come home to paint his gunplas, which I know is something that he has always been wanting to do all this while - especially since he's halfway through Cao Cao. My other brother will be having his exams the next three days and he'll be the only one at home. I'm sure it'll be okay for him, but of course, I'm sure ANYone would want others to be there for you at the time where you need moral support the most.

I feel especially guilty and bad for more reasons of which I shall not speak of, but frankly,
I really pray and hope it doesn't rain the next three days.
This much, I can try to wish for.

That aside, I feel like the antagonist sometimes.
Nothing's on purpose, but it's not denying the fact that you're actually putting someone else down, subconciously or not. It makes me feel bad, of course. It's not on purpose, but who's actually going to care when it comes down to whether it's your fault or not? It's not like anyone would care if you killed someone by mistake. You still killed someone. You are still a killer in the victim's family's eyes, no matter how justified your actions were.

Whatever it is, I hope that my belief will come true one day.
I'll see you at the top;
Meaning, irregardless of whoever gets to the top first, we'll both see each other there once more.

Blah, more money woes.

2010-02-23T12:32:00.003+08:00

http://www.dpreview.com/news/1002/10022005samsungex1.asp
Samsung's newest camera model, EX1, is so win. ;_;
It's literally MY prosumer inside a compact digicam body!!
And what's more, the EX1 has a swivel screen! D: ASDFGHJKL.
It's really crazy, kay. It's like a prosumer inside a compact's body.
And EVEN BETTER because this EX1 can shoot in RAW.
Heck even my prosumer can't do that. :/ I can only shoot in jpeg (lol).
The EX1 sounds really really awesome. Looks really awesome too.
Haz awesome functions too.

The only reason as to why I wouldn't want to get it that badly is because P80 is awesome too!
P80 has 18x zoom (8D) which is super awesome during concerts and when shooting people stealthily (haha). But seriously, 18x zoom is like a lifesaver at concerts, especially when your seat is like......................... yeah.
Do love P80~
The only reason why I love EX1 is because of it's tiny body.
Heck, I thought P80 was tiny and light enough but it's feeling so bulky these days :L
And the lens always put me off because I'm always afraid of getting them scratched, etc. etc. etc.
AND I can't carry P80 around openly because it screams 'expensive camera that looks like an DSLR', thus making it a potential theft item.
EX1, on the other hand, has a digicam body. It's small and not bulky to carry around everyday... and what's more, if you hang it around your neck, people see 'digicam' and not 'expensive camera', thus people wouldn't even think of stealing it (though EX1 is as awesome as a prosumer).

Oh well. :L
I suppose I'll just focus on getting a polariod/instax for now, or the Selphy printer.
Someone buy me that for a birthday present, mkay?
Like share with loads of people or something. Please? :C
I need it badly, preferably before December this year... for personal reasons.

That aside, I'm contemplating (still) whether to move away from Blogger or not.
I'm thinking of setting up a proper site/blog that can include my portfolio and what not, ahaha.
Then again, I'll probably just focus on building my portfolio for now. *^*

I love you, Encore.

2010-02-19T23:45:00.002+08:00

I love Encore Films.
I have never noticed before, but they're the super awesome company that brought in Studio Ghibli movies (Grave of the Fireflies, Ponyo, etc.), Death Note, The Sky Crawlers, Crows ZERO and many many more! C:
Basically, they mainly bring in Japanese and Korean foreign films. *loves*
What I love them even more is that this coming March (18 March, to be specific),
PROFESSOR LAYTON AND THE ETERNAL DIVA WILL BE SCREENING!!!!
*dies*
I never knew they had a movie until my brother told me about it today haha,
Maybe it's because of the fact that I haven't (can't?) play up till PL& The Spector's Flute yet, which is why I would have never heard of the movie until... yeah. Until I play it (whenever that is. The Last Time Travel isn't even released yet....)
Meh.

So yes, I am pretty happy for them bringing in the movie THIS early,
Especially since it screened in Japan last December09, and it's already coming here to Singapore just a few months later, in March2010. *Happy*

Thank you. C:
I'm pretty excited for Summer Wars too, since it sounds pretty interesting. I just hope none of the release dates gets delayed... Oh yes, I want to watch Nodame too. Arghhhhhhhh $$.

Lies and delusions.

2010-02-18T15:42:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder why I even bother.
In the end, humans are just selfish and fickle creatures. One minute they could be your very best friend, the next minute they devour you and slash at you like a double-edged sword.

Sometimes, I really wonder why I even let my guard down.
No matter how close people are to you, blood-related or not, in the end, nothing's stopping one another from creating and forming hurt and distrust, because it all comes down to one very simple thing - humans.
The very fact that you are human is proof that selfishness, disgust, envy and spite will always exist. Even if you live your life as a 'noble' human, loving and giving, sharing and caring, in the end they all don't matter when it comes down to the question of whether you are a threat or foe to someone else.
Nothing matters anymore when one finds themselves being threatened by another. In such a situation, there is no other reason or rationale needed for one to try and eliminate and bring down the other. As if bonded and driven by the need for survival.

It's very simple, really.
No matter how close you may be, how you swear to one another that you'll always be friends forever, that you'll live together forever and never hate one another; all it takes is one simple step of the other for you to want to kill another. It's as if the years and time it took to bond with one another never existed - truthfully, all these never did.
You may take years building and trying to be the best of friends with everyone, but when the time comes for a change, all that effort don't matter anymore. In a flash, they could be thrown down the toilet bowl and flushed away to nonexistence. In a flash, nothing exists anymore except for the situation at hand, of which you find, your very 'friend' ready to squeeze your organs dry and condemn your soul to Hell.

Just like how it's hard to build years of friendship, it's very easy to bring one down.
In the end, everything's inevitable.
Humans depend on one another to coexist, but do they really depend and build trust upon one another? In the end, selfish foes will always be selfish and bring woes onto oneself. No matter what happens or how one may swear, one will often find him or herself in a state of annoyance, in a dilemma because of their own will and want for power.

Someone very close to me today has just showed me the power of humanity, and how often malice is sought, how often jealousy is questioned and how short it takes to bring another down.

I'm offended and thoroughly disappointed.
But what can I do but accept that this is her nature; this is how humans are like?
That this is how everyone was meant to be, clawing and pushing one another just to survive?

I'll stop.
Sometimes, I wonder if we were bad animals in our previous lives to have been reincarnated as humans in our current lives. Or perhaps we are simply lost fish.

Things.

2010-02-16T04:03:00.004+08:00

Just came back from a joy ride overseas :)
Hotel was awesome, food was not particularly awesome but good.
Club Lounge was the best.
Hate traffic jams.
Hate traveling in the car and wanting to puke each second.
Should've brought P80... then again, FE-190 is a good reminder for me.

Haz a white rabbit that looks like that of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland's rabbit in my room right now.
Dogs don't stop pestering the rabbit..

More CNY stuff tomorrow.
Something on on Wednesday, and hopefully shopping with brother after that. :)
Feeling pretty lost and tired now.
Need to sleep now because my aunt thinks the rabbit is agitated thanks to me.
Poor rabbit. Wish I knew how to handle him/her better. :(

Going to push my drama list down again because I'm suddenly hooked onto anime again. 8D
Namely, Michiko e Hatchin.
Off to bed.

Soul Calibur Tira series! :D

2010-02-12T15:48:00.004+08:00

I'm finally done! :)
Okay to be honest it wasn't very hard, since there's only 2 (...), but still.
I'm done with the SC Tira series, whoo~

But here's the thing.
One of them was done last year, whilst the other was just completed a few minutes ago.
& I NEED YOUR OPINIONS!
I don't care how n00b you think you are or how you don't know anything or how pro you are they all don't matter okay zzz. Basically I need you, (Yes you!), to tell me which one do you prefer.
I don't care if you don't know whose Tira (the girl) either.
I just need to know which one do you like more please and thankyou.

My concerns:
1. SCIV Tira was done last year and is my usual style (big head and all).
2. But what I feel is that in SCIII's one, the depth and flow is more easily seen as compared to SCIV's.
3. However I don't usually like signatures in SCIII's style (since I like big faceups).
4. Then again, I'm starting to like sigging in SCIII's style since it's much clearer and less cluttered.
So yes, I'm stuck in a dilemma. :(
I don't know what/who to do next... thought of doing my darling most beloved absolutely loved LOM series, but then the renders are so wtfold and wtfblur IDEK. ;_;

------------------------------------------
P.S. I'm super disappointed in the WOM aka Mana series. :(
I've touched upon and is still playing Children of Mana and Heroes of Mana now, but I'm already so disappointed I don't even feel like finishing the game.
I don't know... I just keep thinking that they should've choose a better gaming platform instead (Yes I'm talking about PS3). It'll definitely allow better music quality as well as control features, since handheld platforms are usually limited anyway.

I'm just disappointed in it. I dunno, I was so excited to play something related to Mana other than LOM, but then COM & HOM are so.... *big sigh*. Instead of upgrading gameplay, it's as though they're decreasing it.

& I feel upset mostly because everything just makes me feel like playing LOM, yes the very awesome Legend of Mana again. It was on PS1 platform, but it was awesome. Compared to COM & HOM which are more recent games, sad to say I do believe LOM is still better.

Maybe it's due to my own biasedness towards LOM, but seriously, who likes to play looking at chibis and midi-ish music with no character detail whatsoever?

I'm not saying the music/graphics/etc are bad. I'm saying they're being put to waste because such an awesome game and series definitely deserves to be on a more heavy-based, better platform. I'm not saying NDS is bad, either. It's just that I don't think WOM is suited to be on handheld consoles. C'mon it started off so well, and went on to PS1 and all. So why not continue on to PS3, etc. instead of going to handheld consoles which are so much more limited?

I really really love LOM. I want to play LOM again. :( :(
Alternatively, Square Enix, please put the next WOM game on PS3/PS4 or something, kthx.

The life of a dorama potato.

2010-02-11T22:09:00.003+08:00

I can't stand this. :(
It's only 11th of February and I'm already at the last episode of Tokyo DOGS.
Omg prz!?
I remember starting on it yesterday, with episode 1,
Which went on to episode 2 (then I told myself to stop).
At night I got bored so I went on to episode 3 & 4, until 5.

Today I woke up and told myself I would ONLY watch Episode 6.
So yes, guess which episode am I at now? =_=
How am I going to last the rest of February without watching any more dramas!?
Arghhhh nehmind, at the very least I will feel productive for the rest of the month. :(
Procrastination is such a drug.

The thing I hate about watching dramas is that I grow FAT too.
Like, I grow seriously fat.
Watching dramas (many episodes at once) is like watching a movie.
Even so, watching just one episode is like watching a programme on TV.
And it's common for one to eat and snack during movie/TV time, isn't it?
I mean, doesn't one's mouth feel itchy to chew on something?
So yes anyway, since this morning...
I have eaten 2 sausages and *something else* (can't remember) for breakfast.
I had fried rice for lunch.
I had 2 more sausages after, due to the lack of (and craving for) meat.
Thereafter my eyes needed a break so I went on to cook caramelized apples.
(With two scoops of chocolate ice-cream)
Then I had two slices of durian cake because yes, my mouth was itching to chew.
Ate a piece of prawn cracker.
Ate porridge + minced pork + salted egg + salted fish for dinner,
Ate 7 cocktail sausages due to the lack of meat (again).
[I asked for two and got seven instead. Wth? ;_;]
Was feeling hungry again so I proceeded to eat another slice of durian cake.
Thereafter I went to heat up 5 sotong balls to munch on.
And now I'm feasting on fruit cocktail dessert.

I am such an uncontrolled eater. :(
Nevermind.
Hopefully the next time I read this post (I always read my own posts for personal reasons ofc you can ask me about since I'm too lazy to explain atm) I will feel guilty enough for all this pigging and I will eat less.

Also, since I'm not going to watch any doramas anymore,
This means no more snacking.
NO MORE SNACKING FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH *\o/*

Lollipop2.

2010-02-11T12:12:00.002+08:00

SO PRECTION!!!
The advertisement for Lollipop2 by LG.
I must admit, the video is like seriously awesome.
Makes me feel guilty considering I know how these are made, I know how to make them (animations), but this video is still... so innovative and creative!
It really amazes me.
The idea is just spot-on and the concept of 'pastel' instead of neon like its Lollipop brother is really cute.

I really really love this advert (even though I like Lollipop more than Lollipop2)
It's awesome. I want to do this someday. ;_;

Envious!

2010-02-10T13:40:00.002+08:00

So today I was watching the first episode of Tokyo DOGS and I was watching the opening really closely because it was super awesome and the graphics were like omg awesome.
Then I saw the lead female actress and guess what?
She looks so familiar!
So I went to DramaWiki her, and guess what I found out?
She's the same actress who coupled with MSD in Love Shuffle!!!

Omg she's super lucky okay, getting together with MSD AND OS and all.
She is super super gorgeous and pretty, though~ Lucky. ;w;
I can care less about IM because in Hanadan she coupled with OS and Matsujun,
But since I have nothing for Matsujun (he was awesome in Smile, though~)
It doesn't really affect me as much. HAHA.

Getting irritated lately because I realize I'm doing nothing during my holidays simply because I'm ALWAYS waiting on people to decide what they want to do, and when they can confirm things with me. Moreover in March my timing is very unpredictable because I still don't know when is my exam date (Someone tell me why? It's like less than 3 weeks away, so shouldn't the dates be released by now?) and I don't know how much time I need to sort out my school stuff either.
In the end, I'm probably not going to work (after all) and just slave away cutting stickers for my mum, ofc I hope she keeps her promise to pay me. Working for my parents didn't turn out as bad as I felt I would feel, simply because since I'm not getting allowance now anyway, it's kind of like a fair trade. I spend my time helping them clear their messy piles of unorganized paperwork and in return I get allowance (as I would had I gone to JC instead).

Principle of equivalent trade. Go watch FMA. :)

P.S. I don't care how boring lectures are or how horrible school will be, I just want school to start NAO because I can't stand not learning anything new (as in, in school) and not having lessons. Yes, I haven't got out of the O Level momentum, and I probably never will. Organic chem, anyone?

Hearsay.

2010-02-10T01:18:00.002+08:00

If what I read was true, then the COP for my course this year is 12. :D
If it really IS 12, I am SUPER HAPPY!!!!
You don't know how much this means to me, seriously,
to someone whose so so so afraid of mixing with the wrong batch of 40. :(
Not trying to imply anything but I was kind of afraid that the COP would be like,
22 points or something. Which is, well, not exceptionally good, yes?

Yes yes, I know 12 isn't very fantastic, even Biomed has a COP of 9,
& even Intl Business has a COP of 7 (Why so awesome?)!!
But still, 12 is already a pretty low number for me.
So I hope life turns out well. :)
(Pleaseletitturnoutwellandletthenumbersdropevenfurther)

Being the guinea pig aka pioneer has never been a deterrence to me,
because in the end, the guinea pig always wins.
There's a pun. See if you can get it falala.

Typing like a retard now probably because I am super happy yet super sleepy.
Last but not least, I'm not alone!!
There are 723 other people like me (though most of them will be munched up in Intl Biz) who have scored pretty well to get into the ~better~ education but did not go.

Let's hope I can meet the right people.
Please let orientation be awesome, please let my OG be awesome,
Please let my class be as awesome as OG.
A little too much to ask for, but there's no harm trying.

Posting this here because I like it.

2010-02-06T21:19:00.002+08:00

And because I took like, 2 hours to post-process this photo
because Mrs. Tablet was being SO SLOW AND LAGGY that
Photoshop took years to respond to one action.

Ahem. Anyway.
And because despite the horrible angle I actually still like this photo
(Which is quite rare since I'm usually unsatisfied...)

I'll probably not like this photo anymore in a few days, but anyway.
Looks real, doesn't it? 8D The gundam (SD Zhao Yun), I mean.
The eyes were flashed so that they would look shiny~
Painted & panel-lined by my brother.

P.S. Once again,
ANYONE WANT TO MODEL / TEST-SHOOT WITH ME
Regardless of whether you think you are fat/ugly/skinny/unexperienced/not suitable,
Let me know, okay?

Going to get a job soon. Hopefully.
I hate rotting at home.
Makes me feel as if I'm getting dumber and more stupid each day.
Really...
When poly starts, I'm going to read chinese books no matter what.
(Of course when I say "chinese books", I mean children chinese books first. :D)
Because I actually realized that I love chinese a lot and it's an amazing language.
If not for the boring lessons in school. Yup.
And I don't want my hard work last year trying to pull up my chinese grades to go to waste.

Okay sleepy nao and don't want to type so much bai.
Bingeul bingeul~

Pimpin' this just because.

2010-02-04T12:10:00.003+08:00

Vote for the RED one please.
Or the GREEN one is fine, too.
(Seeing as how it has so little votes even though it's a nice color along with the red)

I don't get why they're being stingy and only bringing in one color,
(I'll attribute it to import tax & re-production cost);
So anyway please vote for the RED/GREEN one and I'll love you forever. :)
*throws cookies*

Actually vote for whatever you want JUST DON'T LET THE RED LOSE KTHANKS!

http://www.lgservice.com.sg/lglollipop/
http://www.lgservice.com.sg/lglollipop/
http://www.lgservice.com.sg/lglollipop/
http://www.lgservice.com.sg/lglollipop/
http://www.lgservice.com.sg/lglollipop/

Vertigo.

2010-02-01T15:14:00.002+08:00

Vertigo.

Lazy to type anything so I'm just going to leave you with this photo.
Very happy that I had a shoot recently (28th Jan) since I've been dying to shoot since December but never got around to it due to difficulty in planning with other people, anyway.
Much love to Chrispoo for helping out, you're a photog too so make sure you shoot too, kay! *A*
Big love to Raynana too for coming despite the last minute planning.
(I promise it'll be less awkward and better next time T_T)

That said, I'm still looking for people to shoot with so I can improve prz!
So if anyone's interested, pleasepleaseplease tag or msn me or sms me or email me okay!
You know them all.
& I don't care if you think you're fat/ugly/thin/CMI/whatever.
We'll make miracles happen. :3

Picnic Gang!

2010-02-01T13:38:00.005+08:00

Picnic at Marina Barrage!
(All photos are not edited because comp is too slow = makes me irritated & lazy to bother)

Picnic was held on 27th Jan, aka results judgment day.
Initially planned to meet early and sit together and wait for the SMS,
But it was supposed to come at 8am so we decided to just meet then tell each other anyway :(

Got sunburnt a bit even though we mostly sat in the shade (!?)
I think it was because we were trying to make the kite fly pretty bad haha.
The kite DID fly, okay! Just up to 160cm before it flopped to the ground.
I think it has something to do with the strings and structure because the kite kept flying in a one-sided manner.

"Please fly..."

"OMG it's flying!"

Or not. *depressed*

Individual shots:

Luv with her bubbles, aka the girl who stole my camera to shoot cute kids.

Yeesh, the girl with all her super nice film cameras (!!)

Me, aka the person who desperately wanted the kite to fly...

& Hazi, aka the girl who didn't get sunburn at all. :(

Group shot:

Please look at the reflection and not at the yellow butts, thankyou.
Thinking back about this picnic, it's pretty sad because it's probably the last time we'll meet until maybe... 4-5 months time (June hols)? Because we're all going different ways, and our school schedules are different, we never know when we'd all be free to meet again, right? :(

Hope Hazi & Luv are enjoying their orientation life now.
If any of you are reading this, pleasepleaseplease don't forget that we have to meet again in June, okay! And this goes out to EMMY, Luv, Hazi, Girl-who-keeps-thinking-shes-living-in-a-dream, Devi and idk everyone else who've I've spent so much time with last year (!!)

Of course this is just a post for dearest classmates, I definitely want to meet up with Sec2 people, MDD, cousins and whoever else again.. and of course, N6 as well.
SO MAKE SURE YOU GAIZ KEEP YOUR DATES FREE UNDERSTAND
It's terribly freaking tiring to plan outings and things like that, esp. if it consists of 4 or more people, but what's awesome is that I don't bloody care about how irritating it is as long as we can meet up again.

I know distance makes the heart grow fonder,
But how long can one wait before the heart starts to disappear?
In short, you may long for someone else as time passes, but if nothing is done eventually you'll never return to the same state that you both once were.

Okay going to stop typing now before I start emoing, bye.

In before I feel too lazy to type.

2010-02-01T13:26:00.003+08:00

Finally did Lala last Saturday. :)
(Much appreciation for the people who organized the event~)

Reached there pretty late, about 3pm+ thanks to last minute sewing at home.
Went ahead with Pedomum first to walk around whilst my mum went to park the car...
Anyway, got pretty lost because we never expected the event to be held downstairs,
So we were hanging around upstairs getting lost in circles D:
In the end I phoned Pleather (dearest) and finally found our way to the main area HAHA :'D
Mum came over soon after~

Basically walked around quite a bit before Pedomum had to leave at 5pm+,
So walked around with my mum for a bit as she spammed photos of me :(
Couldn't find Chrispoo at all. Couldn't find a lot of people either. D:
Oh well.

Left soon after to go for dinner at somewhere nearby~
Stupid sunburnt skin was peeling that day, too. *upset* :(

Some especially memorable moments,
1) Had to reject a few photogs at the start thanks to me talking on the phone w Pleather. =w=
2) A vocaloid (can't remember which OTL) ran up to me and went, "Look! I found my singing doll~" Which was a very *happy* moment, seeing how other cosers are so friendly. ^^ Again, I couldn't do anything but apologise because this time I was on the phone talking to my mum. Sorry! D:
3) One of the lady boss from one of the booths asked me if I had bought my headgear, of which I proceeded to say it was handmade. She then went on to comment how nice it looked and how the gradient was awesome. :3!!! This has got to be the most *happy* thing for me that someone actually acknowledges the gradient and (unlike my brother thought of it to be "uneven" painting work). 8D

Overall, didn't take a lot of photos but whatever.
I'm going to be doing Lala again, anyway. This time with more improvements. ^^
And of course, blue eyes.

P.S. Irrelevant photo at the top because Lala photos are all in FE-190, of which I promised myself to not transfer any photos from there (unless it runs out of space) before the end of the year kthxbai.

slow

2010-01-26T17:36:00.002+08:00

I just realized that the Liar Game OST is by Capsule.
Yes I know I'm very slow, but *hearts* anyway~

I must admit, Capsule/Perfume type of music isn't really something I'd listen to often,
But it's still something that's nice to listen to. :)

Picnic again tomorrow! Went to Botanics just a week back haha.
Results will be out tomorrow, too.
I suppose you could say I'm not really anticipating anything from it.
Ahh well.

I need to start being more productive in the afternoon :/
And sleep early...

I think I get it now.

2010-01-22T15:56:00.005+08:00

To keep going on and creating art no matter what happens,
even after death.
That's my interpretation of what it means (after thinking for so horribly long).
It may be seen as a 'monster' complex to others, to be so dedicated to that extent,
But ultimately that's what a "real artist" is.
You may be looked upon as a 'monster' because no one knows the value of what you create.

You want to be that sort of person where,
When you leave this world, you create a hole in that person's heart.

Just finished watching Love Shuffle :)
Can't say its exceptionally tear-jerking, but its a really good drama to watch.
The only thing I hate is how much you have to think each time.
Holidays = away from school = rusty brain, argh.
So hard to push yourself to study on your own...

That said since LS is over, I won't be watching another drama till February.
That's my goal. *Yay* One drama per month.
I think I'll definitely break such a promise. Oh well.
Time to get moving, start drawing, researching, crafting, photoshopping.. *sigh*

P.S. Movies are not included in the one-per-month thing. They're essentially shorter than dramas so they won't eat so much time, so it doesn't really affect me. 8D Oh and the last episode of LG is counted as part of Jan too, since its an ongoing series of whose english subs are coming out soon... and yeah. Not sure about animes since I don't feel like watching any now anyway, so meh.

Scary how much it freaks me out now, when I used to think nothing of dying, eh.

2010-01-20T22:35:00.004+08:00

This was supposed to be a happy, fangirl-y post, because of *points to above* the two people in the show that I'm biased towards are... well, y'know. Amusing. 8D

Anyway, as to why it 'was' supposed to be a happy post,
What followed that happy episode... was this dialogue by O-Chan.

"Lately I cant shoot well.
I don't even know if I can shoot well.
I know the reason.
It's you.
Your paintings.. are freaking great.
I feel like I'm an imposter.
Asking models question after question is a performance that can be kind of hypnotizing.
After realizing how cheap my actions were, I ended up slurring my questions.

He said that an artist is pulled towards death, like a moth to a flame.
And after a certain point, an artist sees "life" from "death".
As if you see a light from the darkness and it starts twinkling.
Thanatos... which is conquered by a real artist.
A real artist becomes a monster after conquering death."

I'll be lying if I say I'm not scared.
But I can't get it out of my head.

Nodame Cantabile!

2010-01-19T20:24:00.003+08:00

1st Nodame Film Gets HK, Singapore Opening Dates

The Eiga.com website reports that the first live-action Nodame Cantabile Saishū Gakushō (Nodame Cantabile: The Final Movement) film will open in Hong Kong and Macau on March 4, and in Singapore on March 11. The producers of the films based on Tomoko Ninomiya's Nodame Cantabile romantic comedy manga say they also received distribution offers from Korea, and they are making arrangments with distribution companies in Korea as well as other countries worldwide.

The original manga, the live-action version, and a separate anime version all center around two music students (Hiroshi Tamaki, Juri Ueno) who find themselves on parallel paths in Japan and later Europe. The first film opened on Saturday, and the second film will open on April 17. The main manga just ended on October 10, although Kodansha's biweekly Kiss magazine launched a side story manga in the 24th issue this month. The final television anime series will premiere in January.

Source: Anime News Network

Announced last year but nonetheless, despite how ~slow~ I am, I'm still excited. 8D
I think the best thing about me watching jdramas is that if they have a continuation,
For example Hanadan 1 & 2 followed by the movie,
More often than not just when I finish watching the 1st & 2nd seasons,
THE MOVIE COMES OUT.

Like, probably give or take a few months, but yes it always comes near when I just watch finish a drama. No, it doesn't come like two years later.
For instance, for Hanadan the movie came out like one week after I finished watching season 2. Which was a very ~happy~ thing for me if not for the fact that I didn't like the ending. (Omg alternate ending prz D8)
And for Liar Game, I'm just watching the season 2 now when the movie is going to come out pretty soon. Yey. Had I watched it, say, when the first episode of season 2 first came out, I'd probably have to wait much longer anyway. *agony*
And as for Nodame... self-explanatory. *happy*

P.S. Love Shuffle is hilarious. I was kind of watching it for S but then I realized that the Chiaki from Nodame is acting in it too! 8D recognized him about 1/4 into the show haha. Hilarious. Anyway more eye candy is never a bad thing. Just need to make sure after Love Shuffle I stop watching doramas for awhile. Before my eyeballs faint. 8|

Pretty boy(s).

2010-01-19T18:26:00.003+08:00

One thing that I don't get is why people like to give handsum guys ugly hair. D8
Like seriously. Don't they know the HAIR is the (2nd) most important part of the entire image?
I've watched ~~sooooo many~~ Jap dramas and of all those that I've seen,
The lead actors aka the people I'm watching the drama for,
ALL HAVE UGLY HAIR.

Arghghghghh pain.
Why can't they just get the nice hair that they deserve, pleaseeee.
So far the only one I'm content with is Hanadan. :[
*upset*

Anyway waiting for the last episode of Liar Game 2 before I cross my fingers and hope that Cathay or some other cinema company will bring in the movie. It's supposedly premiering on end Feb, so it better come to SG asap! At the very least before school starts (haha). D8
Okay and would just like to share this video because I super super love the Liar Game OST and I absolutely love how they do the openings.
So here's LG1 & LG2 for you. *O*

And just to reiterate what I've always stood by,
I'm only into kpop and jdramas. I don't watch kdramas. I don't listen to jpop either.
... well, that may change soon since I'm probably going to watch You're Beautiful soon enough. -cough-

Feeling lazy.

2010-01-18T21:54:00.002+08:00

Nothing much to say today except that I suppose in many ways I am like tracing paper.
I don't know...
I can get horribly narcassistic (argh how do you spell it) at times when I'm at home,
But then again whenever I'm outside by myself, I feel super insecure.
Like everyone's staring at me, thinking how weird my dressing is.
Or how I didn't bother to dress well.
Or how weird my actions are.
Or things like that.
I always feel like that. Like everyone's watching your every move, sort of thing.

I must be going insane, but then again, who isn't?
Also felt super lost today because not only was I very very tired and tired,
All of a sudden I felt lost as if I had no direction in life or what I wanted to do.

Hopefully this feeling will fade before it worsens.
It's like, if I don't write down my goals or what I want to do for that particular day,
I feel this sudden loss of what to do. As if I have things to do, but I just can't remember.

Perhaps its just the breaking away from the usual monotonous school life that has hit my body's clockwork and making it screw up.

So, yes, like I said, I hope it fades soon.

The sky's the limit.

2010-01-15T13:05:00.002+08:00

Victory holds no bounds.

I will be stong, I will work hard.
This is the path I've carved for myself, and I will live it to the fullest,
I will live it, dream it, believe it, and always work hard for it. :)
Strive to be the best that you can be.

Some may think I'm making the wrong choice,
But ultimately, as quoted, "best" is what you define it as for yourself.
There is no "best" education for anyone, it's merely what you think is 'best'.
Off to set my goals.
Goodbye, procrastination! Goodbye, complacency!

Torn and upset.

2010-01-14T23:45:00.004+08:00

A change of heart.

I don't know what to say anymore, except that, once again,
You don't really know someone until you throw a different situation at them, y'know?
What they say may never, never, be what they actually feel.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Sometimes, I suppose I think too much that I can't tell what is it I feel, or is it what I think.
But one thing that I really know for sure is that I WANT to follow my heart,
I want to follow my gut feeling, because thus far it has never failed me (if I follow it).

Anyway, this is opinionated and what I feel,
So ~sorry~ if you don't agree.
JC,
- Student fare.
- Can study Geog. :)
- Can dance.

Poly,
- Can have more personal time.
- Can meet more people, aka get exposed to the real world.
- Can actually study things that I'm more interested in as compared to just one subject.
- Can go overseas.

I don't want to say anymore because I'm not in the mood to anymore.
Just hope that whatever happens,
I pray to God that I may receive blessings to work to my very best.
Be it whether I hate it or love it, I carry on with it because it is what I have chosen for myself.
Because it is what I have decided to do, because it is MY mistake to bear.
And I pray, that whatever it is, I will work my very hardest,
To appreciate this opportunity given to me, and most of all,
To leave with no regrets.

In many ways, I want to grow and learn to be a better person.
I may stumble and fall, I may make mistakes, I may make all the wrong decisions,
But in the end, I want to learn from them and make the most of it.
And of course, share this joy with others that they may look at their own life and think of how fortunate they are. To think of the angels that have been watching. :)

If only...

2010-01-13T22:26:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, to not think of mean and harsh things is a difficult thing.

JC OR POLY.

2010-01-12T21:11:00.003+08:00

So does anyone want to share with me what is so bad about poly?

----------------------------------------
P.S. I feel proud because whilst browsing backlogged photos, I realized that my grasp and use of P80 has really improved as compared to last time. Which makes me happy. :)

Wai so little time?

2010-01-12T00:59:00.003+08:00

What a cheat.

By getting good results to go jc then uni does not determine success in life, success still determined by many other factors which are not taught in classrooms. I believed poly students are more towards this implicit aptitude and intelligence. That's why uni nowadays are taking in more poly grads cos they recognized that they can draw in a huge pool of talents from poly students. It is just different routes we take and our own choice. Thinking straight is good but sometimes in life we need to think differently.

It's true that i risk the chance of not getting uni when i chose poly. But i would make a far greater risk if I got into jc and failed my papers.

besides, if you get into JC, it is a must to get into university or you will be as good as having an O'level cert.

At the end of the day, what does an A’levels cert give you? JC students scream: “A place in a Singapore University!” But many fail to realise that not everybody get the program that they would like to do. For example, the top JC students get their preferred programs, while those that say get a CCC grade will probably end up taking a less popular program, something that is not of interest to them whatsoever. I’m a firm believer of doing what you like, if not you’ll only end up miserable. A Polytechnic graduate will not only have a head start (if they continue doing the same program as their diploma) but they will also have the experience of a ‘Uni-Styled’ education.

Some people say JC students would have trouble coping in uni as the teaching style is different. That's total crap. Our transaction from JC to Uni is the same as the transaction from Sec school to Poly. Furthermore the teaching style is JCs has evolved. We too have a lecture-tutorial system. And some JCs even have subjects being taught by modules.

As for people who say JC students are disadvantaged as they do not know anything about project work, once again it is bull crap. We take a subject called project work for our A levels. It is taken in the first year and it is very vigorous and take place over a period of about 8~10 months. Once again, we are imparted with the skills for project work.

I'm sick of people always saying stuff like that. In JC its all about achieving an all rounded education. We can choose our subjects according to our interests and hence it is still relevant to the course we'll be pursuing in Uni.

Just reading, just reading.
Btw I took NP's pop quiz thing.
It says I should do Business. Lol.
But someone once told me that taking Business doesn't mean you start your own business.
So... I don't know.
I could probably weigh out my set of pros and cons of JC and poly,
But then again I don't know. It's not like they're "factual" P&Cs anyway.
They're more like.. personal P&Cs. In a way.
I don't know.

Anyway quite happy but still slightly disappointed for O's results.
But still feeling very blessed, so thank God. :)
And, it's not the end of the road for ANYone.
Because it's never the end of the road until you're dead, therefore giving up is NOT and never will be an option in life.

P.S. OMGGGG THERE ~IS~ A DIPLOMA IN DENTISTRY!! /o/

Irritated.

2010-01-11T00:22:00.003+08:00

I seriously hate it when parents go,
"Oh, you can choose whatever you want. Take whatever course you like."
And what they're actually thinking is something more of -
"In the end you're still going to choose JC anyway."

Idk, but recently during the poly open house period,
I've been going to different polys non-stop.
One on each day (out of the three days in total).
& I suppose my supposedly-keen-interest in courses have been turning my parents gay.
Simply because, on the day of the last day of the poly open house,
My dad came over and talked to me.
About what course I wanted.
What I wanted to do in life.
What I want to excel in.
What I like.
What I SHOULD do.
Which, obviously pissed me off because after his "evaluation" of my interests, apparently,
I should just go the conventional JC route.

&today, my mum came to talk to me.
One day before results are out (or at least, about 12hours plus to go).
And guess what she said?
"If you get a good result. If you score well, you will go JC right? You will follow your two korkor right?"
Whichhhhhhhhhhhh very very obviously pissed me off very bad.
So I didn't answer her.
And she repeated that sentence again.
Which makes me very displeased and angry now.

-------------------------------------------------------

In life, there are two kinds of people. (Okay you can say 10000 types of people but whatever I'm talking in a narrow-based scenario)
The first kind.
People who rush through life. Excited to study and get their Masters, enter the work force with a 5-digit monthly pay, work like crap throughout their entire lives so that they can retire early and happy, and spend the remainder of their lives in comfort and luxury.
The second kind are
People who do what they want and what they like. As long as they can live comfortably with their lives, it's enough to suffice. High pay is not an issue. They live doing what they want. They take it slow. Try new things, see new heights. Live their life like that, doing what they want, even though it doesn't get them anywhere.

I'm trying to be impartial, and I really am, NOT against people of any particular type. I mean, each to his own, and each to what he wants, right?
How you live your life is up to you.
Which brings me to the point that I really want to be the second type,
Because ever since I read this quote (and I still remember it clearly),

"Why spend the vast majority of your life doing something you hate, just so you can spend that small silver remainder of it in comfort?"

Of course, that's just me.
That's just what I believe in and want to follow.

If you ask me, frankly, I'm not interested in pursuing higher forms of study,
Or at least, not at this point of time.
I'm just.. not interested.
What I want to do is go out there and volunteer.
Do meaningful work. Help the impoverished, conserve the environment and most of all save and take care of animals. To give others a new life and to bring hope to others.
And that's it.
I don't really care about being remembered as the richest woman in the world or whut.
I just want to help others. That's all.

(Which also brings me to the difficult point that I still need a job anyway because as much as volunteerism is a 'job', it's not something you want to take money for. And, as brutal as it sounds, you can't survive on volunteer work alone. I mean spiritually you may be able to, but materialistically? Perhaps not.)

ANYWAY It's pretty late now (00:39) and I'm not tired,
But I'm too lazy to type anymore.
(Typing speed has probably dropped by more than half since S4, haha.)

What I'm saying is, I really hate it when people ask me to go JC because it's "NORMAL", it's what people have done before so it's a safe route.
I have interests but clearly no diplomas offer me to pursue a career in my passion right now. To be really really honest I'm really more interested in doing what I want to do as of now, and not really caring much about what ~job~ I'm going to get, simply because I don't have an ideal job.

Going to JC doesn't really mean you KNOW what you want to do next time, y'know?
It's like how some people regret their degrees, but don't have a choice because all they have is that 'A' Level cert.

BACK TO THE MAIN DRAWING BOARRDDDDDD,
1) I'm scared for results.
2) I don't want to go JC.
3) I don't want to go poly.
4) I WANT to put studies on hold and just fly away for 6months to save turtles,
5) I hate it when people influence me.

Long story short.
My mum tells me to go JC because it's the path that's already been taken.
I don't want to because I want to break the norm.
I HATE CONVENTIONALISM! I thrive on hating it, thankyou.
(Which is probably why I am a weird kid. I actually wanted to make a post today about how people may call me quiet perhaps because I AM a quiet kid, but I'll leave that for another day)
Which is why my mum is going to influence me.
I DON'T want to choose poly JUST BECAUSE I want to prove my mother wrong & because I don't want to go the "normal" route of which she (aka parents) want me to go.
End of story.

P.S. Random, backlogged, unedited photos will be posted ~randomly~ each time I make a new post. Just because.
P.P.S. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW

And the moondog returns.

2009-12-31T01:12:00.003+08:00

Yay for pretty banner. Haven't done photo editing in a long time *cough*
Anyway. .n6]]* outing was today! (30th Dec 09)
After SOOO LONGGGG like wtf nearly 8 months since we last met (to send Van off) :(
Initially planned to have two outings, one with Cen before she comes & one after she leaves and Van comes, but then we didn't have any free dates before that.. so yeah. Sadly.

(Anyway Celine I'll photoshop your face in soon don't worry :D)

Kind of lazy to elaborate... since I've probably repeated today's events a lot of times alre. (Once in the book, then again in the book, to Chong, to people at home, etc. etc.)
So yeah. Anyway we met at Cine, everyone was late, Huishan was uncontactable for awhile, watched SHERLOCK HOLMES (!!) which I find totally worth to pay $10 for though we only paid $6 since we're still students (thankfully), then went to 313 to eat KFC and I bought a shirt about photoshoots from Uniqlo (:D), then went to OC rooftop garden to talk rubbish and take photos then saw this super awesome "To-Do" campaign, then Van & Can came to my house for dinner, then they left and yay okay end.

Anyway it was an awesome day, and I just want to say a super huge thanks (even though I know you guys don't go online but it doesn't matter wtv) to all of you for being so awesome today; seriously made today a well-spent one so hopefully we can still meet up soon (even though Huishan's starting school soon & Van's flying off tomorrow..). Love you guys (:
... PILATES!

Okay going to listen to favourite radio station, reply tags and go sleep now kthxbai. :D
Still super irritated that I haven't gone out with so many people yet like wtf holidays are ending (have ended?). And I want to shoot Taiga & Rhode & Prom-ish people. Nao nao nao. -_-

Tomorrow's probably the last day I slack before I start on the alphabet series. Seriously feel like getting an instax for myself.. idkidkidk. I want a Selphy printer. At least its more instant than turning on super slow computer and transferring via cables and connecting to the printer and waiting for the printer to warm up and print and STILL have to cut the photo size. :(

Still can't decide whether to go poly or jc.
I'm seriously more bent on going poly now, but then I'm really scared the course isn't my thing and I regret it. But then again I don't know what I want to do next time, to be honest I've always thought of and want to be a freelancer. But that's quite impossible isn't it.. people are doing crazy things and making it BIG right now, at MY age! What's the chance of anything for me in the future at this rate?
ARGHGHGHGHHGHGH.
And poly is like 10 times as expensive as jc wthwthwth and ADULT FARE OMGGGGG.
TBH the gahmen talk about supporting people to explore their expertise, and showcase their talents by going to poly etc. and taking the courses they want. So why aren't they supporting polys, and letting students pay SO MUCH just to attend poly? It's almost (is 'almost' even needed in this context?) as if it's an incentive for you to go the "normal" route, the jc way.
Because it's cheaper.
Because you still pay student fare and get those privileges.

Yeah, and don't they realize it's usually the less academically-talented students who are the ones who have other talents and would go poly instead? Blargh.

That said, I've read enough accounts to not believe that healthcare is affordable anymore.
Don't ask.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T15:23:00.002+08:00

"Christmas is nothing without 'Christ'."

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 8DDD
Had an immediate family dinner yesterday, super nice food cooked by my mum once again :3
It's 3pm now, and I'll be heading downstairs in a few minutes time for extended family dinner hahah. Yayyyy can finally see my cousins again after so long.

Mhmm anyway, EOY's tomorrow and I'm going there to ~stone~ again with Pandajo/Pedo.
(Just like what I did for AFA)

Keke.
Okay I actually had lots of stuff to say but after WC-ing up till 5am last night and just an hour ago, I kind of ~forgot~ what I want to say.

Oh well.
Merry Christmas people. :)
Spend time with your family and celebrate with them,
Or at the very least if they aren't celebrating, then go with your friends.
Join your friends and their families and whatever. I'm sure they don't mind.

Of all days.

2009-12-23T14:22:00.002+08:00

Weather - Sunny and bright, perfect.
Time - 1pm, just nice with time for later.
People at home - 1.

So yes, I started taking out everything because I really wanted to,
And was really dying to start on the B. Heart series.
So I took all the stuff out.

Turned on my cam.
Half-batt. Oh, that's not too bad, I suppose it can last at least half an hour.
5 minutes later, my cam died.

Okay, so I change to the other batt.
Wow, it only has half-batt left too?
So I switch off the cam first, to turn it on later when I'm about to shoot.

... I'm ready.
I turn on the cam, and it immediately, i-m-m-e-d-i-a-t-e-l-y dies.
Whut.

So like, I can't use P80 anymore because it's totally dead.
Grudgingly and pissed-ly went to charge the stupid battery.
So as a very last resort, I took out FE-190.
FE-190 can't shoot nice photos but I thought I'll just give it a shot, anyway.
I mean, I already took out everything!! You can't expect me to not try to get a shot,
Before keeping everything again, right?

FE-190; full-batt.
So I proceed to shoot one, two photos, tweeking the cam settings each time.
(Because the photos look horrible)
And just a second later, FE-190 died too.
Whut.

Whoever that cursed me to have a bad day, I curse you all the same.
Is this really bad luck, or what?
BAH.

Summary of today.

2009-12-19T19:25:00.002+08:00

19th December:
1. VAN came to visit us after ballet. Happy happy. She looks so pretty (though still kid-ish) now, with her semi-curled hair and things like that. Was quite surprised she didn't dye her hair? HAHA. She didn't get souvenirs though. And I don't have The Book so I couldn't pass it to her. Sad. :(
2. CEN wasn't around to see VAN either, so I sent her an sms and I'm hoping she'll feel guilty. :)
3. ~~Still cannot confirm date for N6 outing. ARGHHGHGHGHGH~~ Okay sorry today is a happy day right, so I shall just post happy stuff.
4. Met up with ~~MDD~~ Nic, Qing x2 & Pamm!!!! *major happy overload* ~~BUT NEVER DDR~~
5. Watched Avatar with Qing x2 & Pamm. :D It was super nice haha, I really love the story and everything, I don't think I'll survive but I want to live in Pandora damnit. I never liked the humans from the start. Them and their stupid destroying idea to get stupid minerals to sell wtf. YAY FOR LOVING MOTHER EARTH.

"They have killed their Mother."
So true. The Mother on this Earth is already dead, so why do we still bother to spread environmental messages amongst these complacent and unloving beings? Don't get me wrong, I love Earth, I've always wanted to recycle stuff, save water, save the trees and things like that.
But the way things are going, our Mother is already dead.
It's too late to apologise, y'know?
We're all doomed to die for what we've done so far. We're doomed for an horrific end, because of our lack of care and love for the planet. This is what we have carved for ourselves, and when you carve into stone, it cannot be undone.

Tell me, how much recycling CAN you do, really? You deplete less resources, but that's not going to get back your 1000-year old tree that you've cut for your retarded exam papers, is it not? In the end, what's done is done, we can't ever get back that lovely Earth that once was.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT that we should just live life to our fullest now. 2012 may come true, it may not, but it doesn't matter. Either way, we all die. Our Earth is as screwed up as it is. The balance of Nature has long been destroyed. I love Mother Nature, so really..

My idea of the apocalypse is for everything to be gone in a flash. Everyone just disappears. Everything's gone, no pain, no nothing. Then the Earth restarts for the better. Let the animals flourish, let the grass grow. Then we co-exist with them. THAT's the Earth that I want.

I promise, this isn't influenced from Avatar.
I've always had this in my mind but never typed it out or shared it with anyone. But since I was talking about Avatar which is IMO very pro-Mother Nature anyway, I might as well say it now than never.

SO09. ♥

2009-12-13T01:44:00.002+08:00

SO09 is made of win!!! :D
My second concert ever, and it was totally (okay maybe not but still) awesome and worth it.
To be honest, many things threatened to ruin the night :(
1. Location. I'm sure we all know what's wrong about THAT location..
2. Sitting on grass. Argh.
3. Mad rush of people that nearly caused a stampede.
4. NO AIR! I can't breathe!
5. They threw away my water bottle so they could cheat me of $2.

Okay and yeah that's about all I suppose.
I am superbly amazed, too, because this is the first time I have gone to Fort Canning, AND return home WITHOUT a single insect bite!! :O *happy*
Though some greenish bug landed on me twice, many ants dropped on my hands and refused to die, that was just about all the insects I saw for the entire night. Which is, well, nice, considering what sort of weird creepies I have seen there before.

But yes, SO09 was still awesome.
Huishan iluuuuu thanks for the superb night!! ♥

First was the Miso Festival! :D
Very nice. I appreciate how the audience was being quiet and respectful, even if that wasn't what they were looking forward to and wasn't close to anything of their interest.
Anyway loved the drum dancers, their movements were really synchronized and captivating, it was so awesome I felt so desperate to go on stage to perform and dance again, haha.
The pompom thing was cute, too. Awesome skill.

Drawing Room!
AWESOMEEEE. Loved this performance so much.
They started off with some really cool moves and things like that in sync with the song, then later one of them started to draw with charcoal (I believe) and did it like within 5 minutes flat or something. First was some chinese painting of a gorge that, literally, lit up and started to 'flow' (!!!). Next was Napoleon! (Or at least, I am too lazy to check wiki, and thus I believe I should be right).
I was quite bemused because when he was drawing Napoleon, everyone around was like, "Oh cool. Is he drawing a pirate? No wait, it's a man.. Huh? A soldier?" Lol. But the pose, expressions and things like that were literally screaming out to me that that man's sitting on a horse. Plus, his legs were really short and ummm, yeah.
*Feels proud anyway*

JJ Crew were terribly freaking super awesome end of story :'DDDD

If I remember correctly, Mario was next!
I kind of forgot her name (sorry T_T) but she did a few stages with Mario which were pretty awesome. She sings so terribly good live, and she can rap (though mildly) too! :D Really awesome. Not to mention she's also very pretty.
Don't have good photos because I thought taking photos of the screen would be better than pointing at the stage (of which I was proven wrong later) so yeah. Mario was really good too, awesome rapping and English keke. Sad about the shades though..

Next was Ji Su! His singing was so, so so good.
Huishan was super fangirly and happy haha.
His voice is seriously very awesome. :)

T-Max was fantastic!! :D
I remember reading on this particular forum about how TM is like, a unique korean boy group, that they have a style different from that of other boy groups. Watching them perform live, I do admit, I really feel that way about them too. I can't really pin-point what it is, but they don't feel like your typical boy group. (Or men group) They were just.. in their own league and things like that :D And trust me, I don't even bother about BOF so I've never known TM prior to their airport arrival two days back.
They did loads of fanservice again as well, and they all tried really hard to speak in English so as to accomodate to the audience. Really awesome :D
Love it when idols do fanservice~ :)

FTI!
To be honest, I was quite shocked because I had (and so had most people) expected them to be the last performers - y'know, save the best for the last.
Not to mention most people go SO09 for the sake of FTI, so it'd only make sense that they'd be the last performers right? Or something like that?
FTI were great, though I feel guilty of not taking pictures of the drummer. I mean, I TRIED, but that stupid steel pole to support the stage was right in front of my view of the drummer. And so were his cymbals. In the end I managed to get a half-face photo of him. Which is, well, the best I can do. -_-
HK had two super tiny buns on the top of his head haha :D I can't help but find it so cute.
JJ! He became my bias after airport day, but I think I've officially got a new bias.. then again, I still don't know them well enough so whatever. :P
HK reminds me a lot of GD. Not just the hair, of course, but the showmanship, emotions into a song and most of all this air of aloofness of the sort. Idk, there's just that sort of aura from both of them haha.

BEG! BEG! BEG!!!!!!
Talk about saving the best for the last.
#1 - SIGN
OMG THE STARTING WAS AWESOME!!!! I know Sign is an awesome song, but seriously, watching them live is just... wow. They're performances are flawless more often than not, honestly. Their voices are so strong and spot-on, and their dance moves are subtle but jumpy enough to fit in with the music. So awesome. Okay yes the starting was awesome because I NEVER knew that the bass for Sign was SO loud! Very cool when it started playing. :D
Btw M is like some rapping queen or something. So awesome especially how she drummed up the audience's cheers in the later performances (below)

#2 - L.O.V.E
This was TOTALLY unexpected! :D I think it's my very first time watching them perform LOVE. It was so good~~ Love this song (other than the plain MV made for it..) so it was nice to see them perform this song, too.

#3 - You Raise Me Up
I can die in peace now, kthxbai.
Ever since I heard their performance of this song on YT, all I've ever wished for is for them to perform this song LIVE. AND GUESS WHAT I GOT MY WISH WHOOOOO~ They really performed this live, it was so so so so SO good I could've cried. The only thing is that M didn't sing her part (though she sings well~) but did a dedication speech instead.
Oh and, so many people thought N's part was the end of the song which made me quite sad, because they totally missed J's awesome adlibs right after that :C :C
Live performance is no joke, srsly. Love this one to bits.

#4 - Abracadabra!
Before this started, M started speaking on behalf of BEG (coz' she's the only one who speaks English well :D) about how they started out as an unknown group and it was really hard for them, etc. and things like that. It makes me feel so sad to hear them talk about it :C then M asked the audience, "Do you know our first album? Have you listened to it?" and I could tell that not everyone in the crowd replied. But proud BEG fans (count me) still shouted "YES" anyway. Because yes, I do listen to their first album too.
It was very heartbreaking to hear them say it, honestly :C they're as old as BB, but they were nowhere as famous until this song came along. I am, however, glad that they have so much attention now. They totally deserve it for all the hard work they've put in. I just hope people recognize them for their TALENT, and not just their current concept etc. etc. etc.

Okay yes back to the song.
VERY AWESOME TOO (Sorry orz vocabulary = limited today) :D
I can't remember most of it because I only remember fretting about not having enough photos of N so I just tried my best to get more photos of her, and yep.
Very nice performance once again :D oh the swagger.

#5 (ENCORE) - How Come
So awesome~~~ I think it was staged, but having the audience shout ENCORE and having idols fulfill their fans wish is a nice thing to both parties, isn't it? Though it may be staged, idols still feel appreciative and loved that fans cheer for them to come back, without needing anyone to ask them to start the 'encore' cheer or anything. And fans, on the other hand, feel loved that their idols are willing to come and perform one more song, staged or not.
How self-fulfilling and nice to both parties, don't you think?
Very nice performance.

Before this, I've never had a bias for BEG. I think I've just found it today - J keke.
Okay time to sleep.
Btw portable toilets are cool. They have a mirror, a sink and even SOAP!
I never knew.

Had a superb night today, though the wait was long (and damn tiring), it was worth it in the end.
Big thank you to Huishan & her bro who kept looking out for me (and finding my jacket when I totally forgot about it hahah) and for finding such an awesome space for taking photos (last) night :D :D

Time to go finish up my 1000 puzzle.
SO09 (+BEG) (+other artistes) for the win. ♥

Today sucked. And it isn't even Sunday.

2009-12-11T16:16:00.003+08:00

Don't feel like elaborating, since I've already "blogged" it in my head.

You see, if you remember well, whenever I'm walking by myself/pissed/upset/etc,
I tend to "blog" these things in my head.
That is, I think about them, and phrase them accordingly as I would if I were to turn on the computer, log in to Blogger and type them out.
That's "blogging". It is also known as the equivalent of blogging in my head.
So most of the time, after I've "blogged",
I'm too lazy to blog here (as in type it out) again.

Which is the case now, yes, I am too lazy to elaborate anymore.
Just want to say that I feel very disheartened and disappointed.
And possibly angry, I don't know. It's not like I want to be pissed at someone, but you know, being human and having feelings and things like that.. it's not really something that's easy to control or hold back. We are born to sin, I presume.
So yes, though I'm trying my best not to blame anyone, since, after all, this is more of my fault than anyone's, I still feel a little upset and angry at other people.

But whatever, it's not like I really care now anyway.
Let me replay the scenario for you.

I take the train from Somerset to City Hall, change to the green line to Tanah Merah, then go to the airport. Took about one hour in total. Awesome, isn't it? Couldn't contact anyone for whatever freaking heck reason, so just took the skytrain to T1 from T2. Still couldn't freaking contact anyone there, so stoned for who freaking knows how long at T1 before someone finally replied me, only to say what I had been speculating after arriving in T1 just awhile ago.
Took the skytrain back to T2, then train back to Somerset.
Feeling very upset for going out for no apparent reason, so walked to Cine to buy more Ceylon Tea (that hopefully, would make me feel better) then dropped by my (now) favourite shopping centre to buy bubble tea from the same girl who always makes them. Which made me happier.

Throughout the journey home, I listened to the English folder for once, despite the random Girlfriend and Slim Shady that would pop up in the track list. But, seriously, listening to the folder with korean and jap songs just made me very sad, because majority of that folder is filled with songs from a particular girl group, of whose arrival I have just missed.

Yes, I am majorly upset.
Thank goodness I am still a student. I love student fare.
So yes anyway wasted two freaking hours just travelling to the airport for nothing.
If Eunice was coming back today it would've been better, 'coz I could've at least gone there to welcome her or something. Or something.
But no, she's coming back tomorrow.

Anyway, I sssssssssss.... okay no. I am definitely NOT going to trust my head in any situation anymore. So many times, I've had this gut feeling which actually turns out to be the right decision in the situation. But yet each time, I THINK of something else, so I decide to follow my head instead. Which sucks, because what my head thinks is always wrong. I'm not that smart.
I need to trust my feelings more. :(

Because just last night, there were two choices. 11.30am or 2.30pm.
People said 2.30pm, which was what made me keep thinking they would come then.
Yet I had this gut feeling that they would definitely come at the 11am one. I don't know why, I just had a feeling that they would (and no, not because the organiser said it or whatever. C'mon, there weren't any flights from Seoul that was confirmed at 11am, so don't ask me how I feel that they would still come at that time).
So yes, I don't know why, I just had that gut feel, and I told Yee.

And guess what?
My gut feeling was right.

This sucks, okay. This majorly sucks.
Not the wasting-time part, or the fact that I could've wasted less time part, or the fact that I missed their arrival (okay this sucks), but it sucks most that once again, I choose to trust my head and what I THINK instead of what I feel, and again, it has led me to make the wrong decision, the wrong choice, the wrong move.

Inevitable consequences.
Oh forget it, I'm quitting fandom tomorrow after the concert.
Too depressing to continue, lmao.

P.S. Oh yeah I miss MDD a lot. You know how people say you have to get used to losing your friends, because over time they just change, they forget you, they say they'll stay in touch but never do? Yeah. But for MDD, it's just different. Sure everyone may have different personalities, be of different backgrounds and age, but in the end, they never fail to cheer me up. So yes, I am looking forward to the 19th. :D

HOW COME?

2009-12-08T13:51:00.003+08:00

Adsakldjsalkhgjg.
Why is it when I have nothing to do and is rotting at home dying to ask someone to go out with,
Everyone is apparently NOT free to go out?

And why is it that when now, I'm super busy like crazy having so many things to do,
Postponing so many plans just for the sake of other stuff,
People are suddenly so free to go out?

Irritating.
I haven't even got started on the B. Heart series, or Alphabet Story. ;A;
That, and I still want to read my Grimm fairy tales, thank you.
SO SIENZ OKAYZ.

Let Me Hear Your Voice.

2009-12-02T01:05:00.003+08:00

Koe Wo Kikasete
If we become honest, surely
We'll be able to understand one other
Please open your heart

Happy belated birthday to Applescented (by a month).
Was too busy with O's then, but I'm free now, so yeah.

I missed a call from Unknown.
I feel bad because I didn't mean to miss it.
But I did.

Like what Cookie said, I hope I'll grow more mature and understanding now,
And that I'll be able to handle situations and people better.
I want to become a better person and to help others in a good way.
I know I'm a very childish person.
So many times, I've hurt so many people unintentionally, simply because of my immature state and lack of ability to make better judgments.
But trust me, I want to learn from them.
So please, watch over me.
♥

I feel like hanging up those shoes.

2009-11-30T22:10:00.002+08:00

Ballet is killing me.

It's tiring and I always dread the start of each lesson for some reason.
Yet after each lesson I feel so much more accomplished, and yearning for more.
It's weird and very difficult to comprehend, but hey,
I've already paid the price.
So I'll just stay on for the sake of it.
I don't have a choice now, anyway, since I have a bond till April.
But I'll just work and try my very best.
After all that's the only thing I can do now, isn't it?
To enjoy the best of what's left.

Laozhi, if you ever read this miraculously, don't you dare quit ballet without me.

------------------------
Drunk on sleep.
What on earth is everyone so "busy" with that they don't have time to catch up as friends, or go out, or something? I miss everyone terribly.
It doesn't matter who. I miss a lot of people.
Heck I miss a lot of people from far long ago though I'm sure they've probably forgotten about me, or my existence. But I miss them too, because they are such valuable friends that I can never give.
I miss everyone.

I hate rotting at home. The only time I get out of home is to go for ballet, which is like thrice a week. Other than that I absolutely have nothing else to do. Okay, I have things to do, but I can't do them now because I don't have the heart to do so. I want to go out and buy stuff, but everyone's either "busy", "no time", "no money" or "looking for a job". Do you have any idea how tough it is to do things by yourself?

Puri Gorota.
No human can live on their own, or by themselves.
It just doesn't work that way.

I feel so bored right now that though my birthday is a mere 2 days away,
I'm not even the least bit excited for it.
I don't even know what am I gonna do that day, or what I want to do.
Where to go, what to eat, what to buy, what to do?
I can't give a heck right now.

If anyone out there is bored at home too, please sms/msn me or whatever.
We need to catch up.

If its real we'll make it through
Guess not.

I am utterly wasting away my holiday.

2009-11-30T07:27:00.003+08:00

Doing your own photoshoot is hard.
1. Hair & Makeup. Do at home, people see, people laugh. Mother see, thinks I'm crazy and I die.
2. Clothes. Limited clothes at home, difficult to spiff up something suitable.
3. Time. 1 hour counting preparation? Not enough. Keep in mind this is me, here, running back and forth from the camera and back to in front of the lens, back and forth, back and forth.
4. Tripod. Stupid thing takes a bloody long time to set-up properly.
5. Lighting. Sure, I know the right time to shoot, but CAN I shoot at that time? I think not.
6. People at home. Too many people, too difficult to try.
7. Room. Can't lock the door even when its my own room.
8. I can't spiff up any other reasons but its difficult, OKEH.

So... like.
Anyone wants to model / shoot my crazy concepts for me?
I'll pay you (with a cookie).
I'm serious. A Subway cookie. T_T
*desperate*

----------------
P.S. CRYSTAL OR LOLLIPOP!?
I think I'm still gonna get Lollipop coz it looks nicer and honestly the Crystal doesn't sound as nice as when Jiayue told me about it hahah. Like, only the keypad is transparent. But I only want the RED lollipop :(

Meh, you know.

2009-11-22T21:27:00.004+08:00

Went to Suntec with mummy, aka pandajo today! :D
She was awesome, still the same height + hair and all HAHA.
Loved her company, seriously. It made stoning less boring..

Anyway, pictures.
Not many, to be honest I took more gundam figurines than cosplayers,
Simply because
1) Too many people
2) Irritating grubby hands kept coming into the frame
3) People kept pushing and standing IN FRONT of my lens
4) TOO MANY PEOPLE
5) ARGHHH.

TOO MANY PEOPLE.

Very awesome~ I really wanted to take a photo of her/him at the very least.

Mummy and Kakashi, though not the one she stalked. xD
Idk why, I'm not even a Naruto fan but I feel kinda envious seeing this photo lol.
It's like, what any fangirl would want their dream to be like.
Like how I can keep dreaming of taking a photo with... sigh. Hazi will know. ;_;

K-On, I believe. Idk the series so not my fault. 8D;

Spam gundam for my dearest brother.

This photo is blur but you can't tell right?! RIGHT!? OTL

And, tbh though I left the event hall very early and missed taking photos with and of a lot of people,
And left without hugging friends I haven't met in years (T_T),
I'm still glad I went home early.
Coz well, my brother cooked such an awesome dinner and I'd totally regret it if I didn't eat it 8D

Btw, I'm a green tea (jasmine) expert. :3
Y'know, the other day my aunt gave me this cup of tea that looks like green tea,
And told me that it was from my brother who couldn't finish it.
She told me it was green tea.
And.... erm well, I sniffed at it and tasted a bit and told her that I didn't want it hahah.
Coz though it looks like green tea and smells somewhat like it, it just doesn't taste right.
So I didn't drink it.

And today, I found out that that cup of green tea was actually green tea that was mixed with brown rice. Some new green tea version on the market.
I tried it again today, and it tastes horrid.
My brother can't tell the difference with it and normal green tea, lol.
BUT I CAN. The aftertaste is so much more horrible and less sweet!
Okay and yeah end of story.
Basically, I could tell that that cup of green tea (given to me the other day) was not the normal green tea, or at least something was "different" about it, thus I didn't drink it.
And I was right. :D

Being born into this family is not easy.

2009-11-16T12:22:00.003+08:00

I'm too tired to type again.
I guess I broke my promise, because I just cried again today. :(

Don't ask me why I cry so easily, okay?
I really don't know.
And don't you dare call me a crybaby. I don't cry when someone hits me and I don't cry when someone scolds me either.
Idk, maybe its because my eyes experience water retention so much that when I feel upset, the water just pours out lmao. I mean, c'mon its because they (my eyes) keep so much water that's why I have these huge "eyebags" below my eyes that make my eyes look smaller, anyway.

Oh, whatever.

Anyway when my dad was scolding and "talking" to me today, all I could think about was life in school and EMMY, seriously. Though I may seem very emo or stone-ish or bored in school, I really enjoy each day away from home. I really am much happier in school, as much as it doesn't seem like it.

I don't enjoy coming home, except to sleep on my comfortable bed and to see my daughter.
That's it.

I just realised that I hardly smile at home.
Is it my fault? I don't think so.

Circumstances makes it SO hard to smile.
Sometimes, the only thing that comes to my mind is to "bite the bullet".
It's something I read online sometime ago.

When you are being wrongly accused, or scolded for something of which is not your fault,
Really, you can't do anything but "bite the bullet", and hold it in.
Just take it like it IS the truth even when something is not.

Just like how someone can start a fire with fuel,
Fuel fuels the fire as well.
It creates a bonfire. (okay lame)
But yeah you get the idea; the fire certainly gets bigger.

It's irritating thinking about it, really.

I have so many friends whom parents I have met, and to tell the truth they ARE very different from my parents. Their parents may nag and seem to scold a lot about the littlest things, but then again I KNOW their parents would never be the kind to scold me like that, like what my parents do.
Nor would they go on about the habits = behaviour = personality rubbish.
Or would they start talking about blaming themselves and expectations and whatever.

All they'd talk about is school, friends and whatever.
They won't really start going on about how "Oh, I blame myself for why you are like this."

Many a times, I get SO SICK staying with my parents.
I know this is harsh and hard to say, but I really can't hold it in anymore.
I've held this thought for way too long.
Sometimes, my mum treats me like her doll. She wants to dress me up, put on make-up and things like that and when I retaliate and say I want to do some stuff myself, she gets angry.
Like, yes, throw-a-fuss-ignores-me-and-refuses-to-talk angry.

And here comes my dad who keeps saying things like Oh you can't do this, you can't do that, your attitude is wrong, your behaviour is bad, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS IT THAT I'VE DONE FOR YOU TO BECOME THIS KIND OF DAUGHTER.

Manipulation, eh?

I'm not a kid anymore. I may still be young, but I certainly have enough brain to know what is wrong and right and what I should do and what I should not. If I have done something wrong, I WILL APOLOGISE without you asking me to. I KNOW when I am wrong.
I don't need people to teach me or lecture me on that.

I need to make this clear.
One reason as to why I DO NOT apologize when people ask me to, on the spot, in front of the person I should be saying sorry to, is because it WILL BE INSINCERE, no matter how "sincere" you really are.
Like, seriously, don't you think the person will be all like, "Oh she's saying sorry just coz XXX asks her to do it." Don't YOU ever think about that?
I prefer to apologize when fires have been extinguished and things have settled down.
I may not do it instantly but I will apologize eventually.

Which is why I don't need people to tell me to do that.

Seeing my friends having so much freedom sometimes makes me feel so jealous.
I want to be free, too.
I am smart enough to know what is right and wrong, and what I should do and not do.
I don't need people to tell me, "Oh this is wrong." or "this is right".
I am at the age where I am old enough to experience things for myself, learn for mistakes, venture new grounds and never forget my roots all the same.

Sure, it may seem like I'm just a robust kid ready to go out there and take on the world,
But I KNOW I am not, and that is what I will NOT do.
All I need, is some bit of freedom to learn from experiences and do things the way I want.

Do you seriously think restricting me all my life is going to help me grow?
I don't think so.
One day, I will flee this country/home and go and stay somewhere on my own.

P.S. I really hate being born into this world.
Yes, I love my life, I love what I'm doing, I love it all, I'm thankful.
But the suffering is too much to bear, and I'd rather not experience this much hate,
even if it means giving up this much joy.

You said you can't please everyone in this world?

2009-11-12T19:47:00.003+08:00

Well, guess what.
I can't please everyone either.

One thing I can never understand is why when something crops up,
The blame is always pushed onto me.
It's been this way ever since a few years back,
And I always felt so pissed as to why I'm the youngest, and always at the losing end.
Always at the blaming end.

And of late I haven't cried. I haven't cried in months, except for moments of laughter.
And I don't expect to now either.
So don't underestimate me.

I think the stupidest thing in the world.. is how you can get into a tiff with your parents over fruits.
Yeah that's right, the goddamn vitamin-rich-healthy-giving whatever.
Since when were fruits a weapon of destruction?

When you really think about it, though, anything can be a cause of war.

Edward all over again. D:

2009-11-09T20:07:00.002+08:00

Since I was bored and decided to take a short break today,
I decided to watch FMA. The Brotherhood.
Y'know, with the intention of seeing how it's like following the manga.
And erm.. yeah.
I ended up watching till episode 30.
For the entire afternoon.
Non-stop. 8DD

It's quite funny, really, because I NEVER watch anime non-stop except with FMA.
I remember the first time I hooked onto FMA too was after school.
I just ran straight to the comp without bathing and watched non-stop till dinner lawl.
I watched finish the entire series in two days. Straight.
And the day after I went to watch the continuation movie (can't remember the name orz).
Which is... well, crazy, considering how many animes I've loved before, but have never dedicated this sort of time to watching.

Which, I believe, is the beauty of FMA that no other animes (thus far) can do.
So if you don't/haven't watch FMA, GO WATCH. 8D

2009-11-05T11:37:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I really feel that I take too many things in life for granted.
There are so many things that others have done for me, yet somehow, I really don't know how to payback that sort of kindness.
Truthfully, I really don't deserve it at all.
I don't think I'm worthy of that sort of concern.

But thank you, all the same, for spurring me on, and giving me that bit of hope to get through whatever shitstorms that I may be in.

I apologise, because I now know that I can never return that same sort of kindness that you have showered upon me. Yet all the same, thank you for loving me.

I really owe too many things in life.

P/S Sorry if my english really sucks now. I can't help it if I am, well, "grammatically-wrong" :|

Meh.

2009-11-03T18:22:00.011+08:00

:D

Anyway whatever is over is over. No point harping on it.
Yes, I know I edit my posts much.

Feeling a bit bimbo today.

I feel like getting this hair lol. 8D

// Then again, I like keeping my hair black too..
And bangs are a huge pain to keep/maintain in this country D8

...
I have very creepy dreams of late :|
My first dream this morning was of dying beagles.. (._.)

And my second was venturing to this shopping center with my cousins.
No wait, I went to this shopping center once with my older cousin.
Then the second time was with my older cousin and my other cousins & small ones (lol)
It was quite freaky, coz apparently the shopping center cum hotel was like.. haunted in some rooms, and on the first trip my first cousin told me which rooms were safe and which were not so yah.

And the weird thing is that I dreamt of this shopping center/hotel place before.

Like, idk how long back but I dreamt that I went to this EXACT SAME PLACE before with my brother o_o.
Though I only realized this after I had woken (wake?) up. Ehhhh creepy. :|

Mpfhrm. And going to the shopping center was creepy too, like you entered this forest on this ship/boat thiggum through this triangle hole and it's fit for one person only okay I know I'm not making sense but whatever it was creepy :'D and the trees kept poking my face so yah.

I still think the creepiest thing is that I remember how this shopping center/hotel looks like very clearly. And the fact that I dreamt of going there before once, I don't know when I dreamt about it but I did. So this is like the second/third time D;
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd. Thank goodness this place is fictional.

P.S. Deleting this post once O's are over. ^_^

Stupid exam chain-smses.

2009-10-24T21:40:00.001+08:00

BAH. What's with all the sudden "English on MONDAYS. Math on TUESDAYS. etc. etc." spam!?
It's so retarded because
1) It doesn't make sense.
2) It doesn't apply to our situation in this context (Hello? Math is on Tuesday, Wed, Thurs & Fri)
3) It's bloody uncreative.
4) My stupid phone doesn't let me scroll to the end so BYEBYE if you were trying to curse me or wish me good luck or whatever.

Like HELLO I HAVE GOTTEN 5 OF THE SAME SMSES I GET YOUR POINT. =_=
Yes, I got your point all right.
I'M FREAKING TAKING O'S NOT PSLE!
Yeah you heard THAT right.
YEAHHHH I KNOW I got like, 9 subjects man! Not four!!!!

/endsacarsm.
(Because sacarsm is SO hard to detect on the net. Pfft.)

Against the norm.

2009-10-23T18:12:00.002+08:00

I find it very disheartening that my dad doesn't want me to take my G7 exam.
I mean, I know, it's out of concern for whether I have time for O Levels and everything,
But honestly, my priorities are different from what you think.
No matter what, dance and photography will, and always, rank above academic achievements.
It's really disheartening.
It's kind of like how your parents don't support you in what you want for yourself.
I know they have my best interests in heart, but sometimes, they just don't get it.
O Level's are nothing but my short-term goal.
Once it's over and done with, it's over.
& I'm not going to dwell on it because I have other things to do with my life.

I've always, always wanted to break the norm.
Why should you waste your time and do something that you don't want?
Sure, life's gonna be tough. But if you believe you can survive alone on love and happiness,
Then that's enough to have the most fulfilling life you'll ever have.

Honestly.

Art is getting me confuzzled.

2009-10-23T12:55:00.003+08:00

Now some people just need to know when to STFU.

I do not enjoy this.

2009-10-21T00:03:00.005+08:00

Care to Shine a Light?
1. I am feeling very stressed now.
2. I don't want to let myself down for O's.
3. I will die if I don't get A1 for English.
4. I will cry if I don't get (at least) A2 for Geog.
5. Art is making me very emotional now.
6. I want to get (at least) A2 for Chem. Or B3.
7. I am happy I have no Chinese to worry about.
8. I am praying very hard for this Saturday.
9. Not only for me, but for the dancers, as well.
10. I will go to Church this Sunday.
..............
11. Don't forget the purpose.

Bleh. & Lollipop.

2009-10-18T14:07:00.005+08:00

I have nothing to say except that I feel very unhappy.
Very unhappy, jealous and very cheated.
Cheated since young, and still getting cheated now. :/

I want to venture to other types of dance.
Majoring in ballet is impossible, considering my shaky foundation, no?
Sometimes, I really wish I had discovered earlier,
And pushed further for what I really wanted.

Still, I thank my mum for forcing me to join ballet when I was young (hahah).
Because if I didn't, I'm sure I'd feel more miserable than I am now.

One day, I will fly to Canada to find the best ballet teacher that I ever had.
One day.

--------------------

P.S. I WANT.
THE HOT RED IS LIKE... ASDFGHJKL SO GORGEOUS.
Lollipop's supposed to arrive in Singapore around end of 2009 to start of 2010.
(Technically it's like one year since it was released in Korea ~March'08)
But STILL. It's so pretty. & the red just makes me want it even more. :D :D
I don't care if it's outdated to some people.
(Heck if it's outdated all the more I have it to myself lulz)
But it's ~$500. Eh, like wtf ._.
And the only thing that turns me off is that it's a flip phone, and thus twice as long as my current phone when you open it. And flip phones always seem very fragile to me, like you can just snap it into half or something.. AND huishan's new hexagonal tiny phone is so cute. AND the keys are not nail-friendly.
Okay but still. COME FASTER PRZ NO ONE WANTS ICECREAM2 ANYMOREEEEE~
P.P.S. Sorry I hot-linked.
P.P.P.S. Pleasebringtheredcolourtosingaporewiththerestomgggg.

Hateful Love.

2009-10-17T23:38:00.002+08:00

OMG WHY DIDN'T I HEAR THIS EARLIER WHYY
WHY DIDN'T I DISCOVER THIS EARLIER !@#$%^&*(
They are freaking awesome. :(
You have GOT to listen.
(It's not a fast song btw, so don't complain or wtv.)

The sad but true reality.

2009-10-12T14:20:00.001+08:00

One of my tooth is moving behind the other.
!@#$%^&*

Curse you, Boba!!!

2009-09-29T18:04:00.002+08:00

I know why I've been gaining weight lately. :(
It's all thanks to that Sweettalk outlet at OC.
I've been going there (almost) everyday after school,
because it's so much more convenient than going the RV way, plus it's really an "on-the-way" thing as opposed to stopping at Plaza Sing last time or something, plus its the route I prefer to take whenever I walk home.
And thus, I've been gaining close to 500 calories a day.
Or at least, what the Internet says. & alot of people have said ~500, so it should be, anyway.
Stupid bobas.

I'm going to abstain from boba now, (which, gives me no reason to go home the 111 way anymore..) which is kinda depressing. Okay, nvm, I'm still gonna go home the 111 way, but no bobas. NO BOBAS. Just walk home, then climb the stairs home everyday. Yay me. :)
Y'know, sometimes I really want to throw my schoolbag and books into the lift, press to my floor, then exit out of the lift. Then I run up the stairs and see if I can reach my floor in time for the lift to open, and for me to grab my bags. Yay. Though, the residents staying here will probably think I'm crazy, anyway. Which, btw, I am not, for I am just someone who's simply weird.

Prelim sucks.

2009-09-24T21:54:00.001+08:00

Y'know, one reason why I blog so inactively these days is mainly because whenever I turn on the computer, wanting to blog or let something out on AppleScented,
I usually log on to Blogger immediately.
But in the end, such as times like these, when I FINALLY want to blog about something,
Nothing comes out.
I always "blog", y'know, just not virtually.
Sometimes, when I feel the need to come here and type something,
I do, I do log on, but then usually before I even GET here,
I run through the things I'm gonna type in my head.
I run them through, as if I'm already typing here.
And by the time I get here, I feel too lazy to re-type whatever I've already thought.

.. which, sometimes, is probably for the best, considering how I always let my emotions get the better of me. And, considering how, I believe I am a secretly angst-filled child, so. Yeah. :)

Subtle red,

2009-08-28T22:20:00.012+08:00

"Sometimes life has a habit of flooding over you and rushing you along in its overwhelming tide."

090829: ... I think I wrote off-topic for my english compo. :(
090830: Shouldvefollowedmyinstinctshouldvefollowedmyinstinctdayummmm.
090831: Got my heartbreak today.
090904: INSENSITIVE JERK JERK JERK HATE YOU LIKE SHIT
090912: Why do I know people's birthdays but keep forgetting to wish them?
090913: I'm not going to aim to be, a ballerina, anymore.
090914:

"...on a cultured Singaporean audience... They really knew what they were looking for, which speaks well of the audience we have in Singapore."

Oh please, don't make me puke. The audience were freaking RUDE during the entire competition! People gossiped in-between, laughed at the dancers (I know they were supposed to look funny doing that sort of dance, but you don't laugh, y'know? It's not like they were competing to be comedians.) and irritating photographers couldn't get softer shutters to satisfy their trigger-happy moments. HOW cultured is that? I feel ashamed, really.
090917: My parents think I'm watching or looking at porn or something each time I'm on the comp and it's annoying the bloody CRAP out of me. Can't I get some time alone away from all this retarded shit at home?

Can't keep the euphoria.

2009-08-19T16:43:00.003+08:00

B3.
Dayummmm am I happy or what!?
Seriously, for me, for someone whose always been just passing/failing chinese,
&for someone who somehow-tyco-ly passed midyears with a 50/100... dayum.

I'm very very grateful for this grade,
because it's something that I've never thought i'd achieve.
& I'm very happy and glad when, y'know, your hard work pays off.

I'd just like to say, to those who didn't get what they want,
Don't lose heart, because it's not the end yet. :)

The reason why I hid this portion is because.. well, I don't want to make anyone feel worse or anymore upset if they already are. So please, don't read on.

Really, when I first saw my results it was kinda like "uh.. okay."
Because the entire school started hyping up the mood with like, how 75% got distinctions and everything, and it just became kinda.. well, yeah. So I kinda didn't have any reaction.
But I really was dayum happy. Because I expected a C, or at the very most, a B4.
But never in my life anything as close as a B3.

Seriously so freaking happy can ;__;
I don't get why people keep asking me if i was gonna retake, haha.
Like seriously, the answer is NOOO mannn, like, hello B3 is ABOVE my expectations,
And its above what I aimed for, seriously.
And the main reason I wanna get at least a B is coz I don't wanna retake chinese, haha!
Like what E says, for people like us who've never got a B in chinese before in their entire lives.. dayum. A B3 is like a godsend.

I didn't cry until I saw Y, who happens to be the first friend that I spot right after my results.
And like awwwwtf she was totally tearing can like you can see it in the eyes, y'know, with it sparkling and everything!! And then totally wtffff I started tearing too then I cried like crazy when I started hugging a lot of other people haha like wtffff B3 so surreal prz.

And it really feels great, because its kinda like the feeling where you endure great suffering and make big sacrifices, but you reap what you sow, and you get what you deserve in the end. It's really euphoric and addictive. Seriously.

I don't know, I believe this is the first time where I've cried out of happiness?
Hahah, like other times I've cried its either due to emoism or laughing spasm.
But like.. crying out of happiness? Seriously. I could just die right now.
"Kill me." HAHA. Ahhhhhhhhhhh I still can't believe it.

But I'm happy today. Really really really happy.
Even the fact that the four of us got our retribution today (rofl) it's still an awesome day.

Kill me. :)

Heart♥breaker.

2009-08-18T19:09:00.006+08:00

Happy Birthday,

To the one and only, and only one.
You're officially legal :)
Don't let the talk get to your head, because you're better than that.

Haven't lost hope. Not yet, never.
Make it breathe, heartbreaker.♥

You're more than gossip.

2009-08-14T21:21:00.002+08:00

You're the best.

"From today onwards the reporters pick up their pens. Do you see the most searched items? A lot of netizens start to get tired fingers. The situation is beyond uncontrollable. Our country is a hot potato. Blink and it cools down. Enjoy yourselves, it could be fun. Yeah use me to get your kicks. Say like Superman, Batman, Gossip man, Hey man. What's todays gossip. Can't ever get any peace."

Very emotional for me. For some reason.
Because it speaks so much about everything that's happening now.
I just hope it doesn't go too much into his head, or heart. :(
I suspect he's busy re-recording now with all the plagarism crap suffocating the attention, but whatever it is I really hope that things will turn out right.

Mhmm. And yes, the affinity with apples still relates to me,
As much of it just being a "coincidence", but yeah.
Keep fighting.

Side note, something I just came upon whilst surfing randomly..

"Liar Game" Sequel Dated For November
On Thursday, a press conference was held to announce details about the planned "LIAR GAME" sequel. It was first mentioned in April that the popular drama series was getting a second season and feature-length film.

Based on a manga by Shinobu Kaitani, "LIAR GAME" originally aired in 2007. Erika Toda starred as an honest young woman who gets involved in a high-stakes game of deception, aided by an expert swindler (Shota Matsuda).

The sequel will continue from the first season, with the main cast returning, including Michiko Kichise, Kosuke Suzuki, and Ikkei Watanabe. In the drama, the players will face off in four games and a semifinal round, while the final game will take place in the movie, titled "LIAR GAME: The Final Stage."

Yasutaka Nakata (of capsule) will once again be handling the show's music.

Fuji TV will start airing the drama in November, and the movie will open in theaters in February 2010.

Dayum, *anticipation* 8D

Red-handed?

2009-08-10T21:42:00.003+08:00

Oh wow.
You know what?
I sit, with my laptop screen facing the door.
So my back's facing the door, so I don't know whose standing at the door looking at my screen.
And.
My dad.
Came in, or rather, stood at my room door just when I was watching this:

And yes, right from the starting.
And as you know, Baby was showing off his abs and passionate kissing and -ahem-.

I suppose you get it.
My dad then started to pester me to show him the start again.
"He was naked right!?" =___= but yeah I didn't anyway.
It's kinda weird, though. I mean, being a "well-bred child" and everything, I suppose my parents would definitely conclude I was watching porn or something out of the norm when they see things like this. (Which is not. Its called fangirling! T3T) But yeah. Andddd because I'm not one of those kinky kids, its kinda weird for them to see me watching these kinda stuff or not, right? Like how they think I don't speak crude words or etc. etc. etc. but yeah.
So I suppose the shock that my dad got was like.. understandable to an extent.
Hrmph. At least they didn't conclude to confiscate my tablet or what not.
At least they're understandable enough. As I am to their reaction -_-;;

I suppose my mum would've been cooler about it.
But yeah.
Then oh y'know, the sex ed. part comes again.

Thankfully I wasn't watching BEG rofl. I'll just attribute it to my dad's bad luck (and mine) to enter the room just when I was watching that particular vid, though. I mean, before that I was re-watching GD's solo. Which is perfectly innocent. >:

Please slap yourself with a smelly fish.

2009-08-10T13:03:00.004+08:00

Something's going on outside and I can hear jitters and bits of it,
But I don't wanna know.
So I'm not going outside.
I don't want to.
I don't want to care.

Really.
Sometimes, darling, you need to use your brain more.
You need to think more. Seriously.
If you had stuck with ONE entry, you would've be somewhere at the top now.
But you're not. Because you stupidly went with TWO entries.
Dumbass. You just wasted the best chance in your life. T_T
(You know how it is, right? When you join a competition, and you send two entries, and let's say the entry in the lead now has like.. idk, 15 votes. And your two entries - one has 7 votes, the other 8. If you combine them both, you could be at the top. But NO. You chose to submit two entries. And as a result, your votes are separated, so your chances of winning are divided, and less. Get what I mean? Yeah. Someone remind me not to do something as stupid as this ever again, if I ever have this chance again, please.)

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

//
Anyway, on to other things, I really hate it when people keep asking me like, "Why are you making notes?" or "you make notes got use meh?" or "aren't you just copying everything again?"
Okay, like seriously, I don't know what pwnsome study methods you have,
But making notes work for me, and I actually study better with them than reading some stupid freaking thick textbook that talks around in a circle, literally.
So I don't get what's the problem, okay?
I make notes coz' it works for me, and I suggest people to make notes if reading from the textbook doesn't work for them. And if making notes doesn't work for them either, then like, fine, because everyone has their own study methods after all, no?
So really.
I don't get what's your problem with my notes. -_-

That aside, I can't help but think of this particular thing at night.
Idk, the idea's really crazy and doesn't seem feasible at all.
It doesn't seem anything close to reality.
But deep inside, I really want it to happen. Just.. a trace, or even a subtle hint, anything.
It's near to impossible, but impossible is nothing, and that was the reason why you even ventured out on this in the first place, no? Because you told yourself that hope is all it takes, and that how do you know something's impossible, if you haven't even tried?
And so I did.
And I really want it to come true, as absurd as it sounds.
I don't care even if its not acknowledged. Just a small hint is more than enough for me.
It's more than enough to say, "Oh, you know, its not impossible after all."
I don't know.
I just.. keep thinking about it, because though hope's fading each minute,
There's this small part of me that tells me to hold on. To wait, because its not in vain.

Mhmm, and lastly I'd really like to apologise to the bulk of people whom birthdays have passed but I never wished / wished late. I swear that I really did remember your birthdays, but somehow things just caught up so fast that I didn't have the time / slipped in the moment and didn't sms / wish you a happy birthday. :( I assure you that I really DID remember, heck its scrawled all over my calendar so that I won't forget.
And I really don't have presents / didn't have the time to make presents for anyone this year, so I really apologise for that too. I promise I owe all of you guys something, okay.
I really really really will give you your present once O's are over.
So please don't kill me.
&don't think I forgot your birthday, please.
Because I really didn't. T_T

//
I'd like to shout and say something else but I guess I probably shouldn't right now.
But I'd just like to say, whatever it is, I hope things work out right.
Please give me the strength to get distractions away.

My boyfriend's album is gonna be the last thing that I'll listen to,
& the last thing that I will ever touch till O's are over. :(
Please give me the strength.

Frustrating.

2009-08-04T23:55:00.003+08:00

*Jams Ctrl+F5*

... much better.
I don't know if its just me, but its so frustrating and irritating and bloody difficult to get things done in this kind of situation. Seriously, some things that you do just make things like, hundredfold more difficult for others, just because of this and that.
It may not affect a single crap out of you, but its draining the bloody life out of others.
Honestly, its because of all these people and their selfish little brains, only thinking about themselves and not the trouble or inconvenience that other people get.
Annnndddd you complain. No one asked you to pretend to bear this, no?
Damn it, stop wasting my time.

Super irritated right now I could just flush __________ in the toilet bowl, seriously.
I will be dead until O's are over, bye.

I'm the strongest survivor.

2009-07-22T20:08:00.001+08:00

Because even though I sit with people infected with all sorts of colds, flu, fever, sore throat and whatsoever-sickness everyday, somehow, I'm the only one not falling sick.
When I WANT to fall sick. Hmm.

I haven't had a fever for like what, 2 - 3 years now?
The only time I fell sick last year was with a runny nose and sore throat :/
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh well.

Today someone called me a bulimic.
Or at least, she thought I was a bulimic.
Can't blame her, though, considering I was doing some puke-inducing action at the sink.

Take the party down.

2009-07-21T20:27:00.004+08:00

Sorry I couldn't resist it anymore hahah.
The rhythm and beat and dance is so... smex. ★★★
Anyway if you haven't listened to it/watched the MV yet, GO! :D :D
Its suuuuuuuper nice.

Honestly.

2009-07-17T20:11:00.003+08:00

http://flowerpod.com.sg/forums/ballet-anyone-t305.html&st=280
Haha, for some reason, just reading though that thread, even though its been like 4 years..
Its just... wow. Awesome.
For some reason, I feel really touched,
&most of all blessed for the situation that I am in now.

I'm not forced to stop, am I?
I have a great class with great friends, do I not?
And most of all, I still have at least one existing friend, aka Celine, who has still,
&has always been continuing and learning ballet with me, yes?

I kid you not, I think that the very fact that I am able to learn, is enough to be grateful for.
And I'll continue to work hard. Every night. From now on.

It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter anymore, who leaves you, who disappears, who bails out on you.
It. doesn't. matter.

Practice makes perfect.
I'm going to work really hard from now on, because ultimately, every success points towards each ultimate goal that I set. And each goal is all interwoven and connected into this very one, large, dream.

&it doesn't matter if you fall anymore, because it just gives you more reason to prove others' wrong.

You're going to pick yourself up, now.
You're going to be there.
Nothing is impossible.

Anticipating.

2009-07-14T18:13:00.000+08:00

The idea starts with a little girl named Alice.
And from there, the story gets twisted.

KEN. NOT. WAIT. :(
Broadcasting of UP has been postponed for like what, 2 months?
August is sooooooo far away.
And when on earth is Coraline coming out?
BAH.

Meh. +edited.

2009-07-06T11:17:00.001+08:00

I forgot what I wanted to type today.
._.

--------------
07'07'09
Actually, I got loads of stuff to type and say out today.
But then, I've already 'typed' them in my head.. kayz I explain.
What I mean by I've 'typed' in my head is in the sense that, I kinda blog like 24/7. So when stuff happen, and I wanna say stuff, I already 'type' (think) of them in my head kinda of how I would type on my blog. So when the opportunity rises I'd just type out whatever I've 'typed' (thought) in my head before. :D but then usually I become to lazy to re-type what I've already 'typed' so end up I don't blog at all.

Back to the point, I suppose I'll just summarize.

"I want you to do plastic surgery, so that you can look prettier."

Can you imagine your own mother ever telling you that?
Because mine did.

--------------
Just want to say a very very very big thank you to everyone who has been encouraging me on all this while. It really means a lot, and I'm really grateful to know such awesome people like all of you who will always be there. :)
I'm never going to stop trying, but like how the tide goes, I'm still questioning the why of it all.
Why is it that when you want something more than someone else, you don't get it?
I looked through my past ballet certs the other day,
&perhaps, somehow, I know what's the cause of the decline in results.
Or at least, I think I know the reason, other than the fact that the best teacher ever, the very first who taught me, went to Canada and hasn't come back since. :(
And, at least, if teachers' aren't the cause, then perhaps my hypothesis, that the problem lies within myself, may actually be true.
Should I stay, or should I go?
Should I stay longer and give one more year a try with the thesis that its just myself that's the problem, or should I not take the risk anymore, and just carry on with the thesis that both teachers' and oneself are the problems?
Sorry I know I sound very confusing now, haha. And weird. Ah well.

Disappointed in english midyear results. I did horrible. B4. ):
My essay was like crap. 17/30. Slap yourself, girl, you KNOW five pages is too long.
I think its just a PMS period for all the teachers, honestly.
People who deserve better marks should've gotten better.
(FYI I'm not so ego enough as to point to myself, kayz. I'm talking about this girl, whose english has always been so powerful that it surpasses my standards too. And she got 13/30 for her essay, which is unbelievable. And just.. unbelievable.)

I still can't believe my mum said that to me, and it really stings bad.
I mean, your friend, your boss, your.. whoever telling you you need plastic, it doesn't really hurt as bad as your own mother who actually GAVE BIRTH TO YOU THAT WAY saying it to you.
Saying it seriously, meaning it, right to your face.

That being that, what's over is over.
Really, thankyou to everyone who's always been encouraging me all the time,
&especially for bearing with my irrational behavior, weird habits, frequent grumpiness and inconsistent moodswings and for my over-sensitivity and 100% stubborn streak and just.. bearing with everything irritating and unlikeable about me.
Thank you, for simply being there.
Love.

If this isn't it, then what is?

2009-07-04T12:05:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to give up, not now, not ever.
I'm not a quitter, seriously.
But everything's just tumbling, and disappearing away.

The results certainly weren't what I had hoped, or even dreamt of.
It wasn't even close to what I wanted to achieve.
It was close to a fail, that was what it was.
I don't know.
I'm just really disappointed and upset at myself.

I've let myself down two years ago, and I've done it again.
And what makes me frustrated the most,
Is that I know, I know clearly, that I have more passion for this,
Than what it is with other people.
But distinctively, perhaps this isn't the road for me?
There are so many people I know who take this as a hobby,
Yet they are able to achieve much higher marks than me.
You don't know how much this hurts.
You just don't know, because you're not the one who wants it so bad.
You're not the one whose been working everything just for this moment,
Just to get her dreams.
You don't know because this isn't your dream.
Its a pastime.

And it sucks.
The only thing I can ask now is,
If I'm not cut out for this, then what am I good at?
This is the only thing that I love to do more than anything, and I WANT to do.
I can't even perfect this, then what am I good for?
I don't even care if I do badly for academics, as long as I do well in this, because this IS what I want, and this is all that I'm willing to give up for just to do.
But I'm not good in academics, I'm only average. I don't have any other talents and my artistic capabilities are certainly not as good as of those of people around me. I don't have what it takes to do sports, and I'm like.. average in everything, but expert in nothing.
And the lousiest in the thing that I love to do the most.

I feel like jumping down eight storeys just so I can break my legs and never walk again.
It hurts, and it sucks real bad, when all that you've worked for, and wanted to achieve,
Doesn't come to you. Does it not?

I don't feel like typing much, because I've already cried it all out in the two toilets that I've been to. And because I've been trying so hard to suppress it when I first got the results in my hands. I've been trying to hide it, trying to keep it in check. But no one knows how bad it hurts when you've never been at the bottom of the flock, but you're there now. And no one knows how much it stings when you're the only one who want this more than anyone, and instead you get nothing but shit thrown back at you, because you're not good enough.

What on earth am I here for?
To be a failure so that others can feel their own sense of achievement?
I don't know.

To the two stars of Hollywood.

2009-06-26T18:31:00.001+08:00

RIP to an angel, RIP to the king of pop.
MJ has been such a big part of my childhood ):
Especially since young, where me&my brothers would always talk about him,
&laugh as we try to imitate him at family gatherings with our cousins.
I can't say much, but its like.. granted that he's just been there.
He's a hot topic, he's the king of pop.
He was awesome, always.

I don't have a stand against his plastic surgery;
Because after all, it all started from his broken nose accident.
&perhaps it became an addiction after that; but whatever it is,
I'm not against anyone doing plastic, as long as its their own will to do so.
As long as they want to, then so be it.

He was 50years old, and he was approaching his comeback period.
Whatever it is, if he really molested a child then.. well, what's done is done.
If he didn't, then I hope those horrible people who pinned and pointed false accusations and drew on many others to sue him for other whatsoever reasons; I hope these people GET WHAT THEY DESERVE.
Because you screw with someone's life, you GET IT BACK.
Damn hope you can't sleep at night for whatever you did.

I don't agree with everything he did, and I'm not okay with all of it either,
But still, he was a legend, he was legendary.
Irreplaceable, no matter what.

I dare not laugh, nor sing Beat It on GHWT anymore.
It just doesn't seem polite.

RIP.
May you be in a place far away from hopeless hypocrites, & live much happier.

Mini-update thinggum.

2009-06-25T15:57:00.004+08:00

Ahh, haha, yes sorry I will reply the tags soon.
Thanks to everyone who's always been reading, tagging, etc. so far~
It makes me happy for some.. reason. Ahh, well. (:

*insert (deleted) fangirl rants here*
Anyway, as for the fanfic that I'm writing,
It's becoming so... G-BIN it scares me haha =_=.
I mean, I much prefer TOOBIN with regards to BB & WG in their real-life personas,
Because the two of them are just so alike~
But then in fanfiction (like, imaginari-ly), I can't help but do G-bin instead. :/
Idk. Maybe its because I'm quite sick of seeing Tabi being the antagonist all the time, haha.
Still, I tried to keep the real elements of their personalities though.
Like, y'know, Tabi always seems cold and dao-ish but he's actually very funny and whatever :D
Sidenote anyway, I'm starting to fall for Jiyong now OMO SOMEONE STAB ME T_T

Anyway important part!
I think I'm just going to upload the FF on Winglin instead, or something.
Because its a bit.. extreme. :B so I'm not too sure if I wanna just send it straight on MSN kind of thing. So its more of a like go Winglin & if you find it, good for you thing. :D
(P.S. Not soompi coz its too.. high-class. T_T)
Its kinda sensitive, the topics (that are involved), so.. yeah.
I don't want to end up spoiling anyone's impressions of their idols unintentionally. x_x
Much apologies. (P.S. Chuchu give me your username otherwise how I add you D8)

Can't wait for O's to be over, 'coz then there'll be Grad Night, (lots of random stuff to do) and most of all, EOY! :D I can't wait to go cos-ing with Rayna banana.
I am bored, but nevermind.
Actually, I've got lots of backlogged stuff to post, but considering there's Amath MYEs tmr I'll prolly only be posting them at like... end July, like, during National Day holidays.
Because I'm going to be the best that I ever am during the entire July.
For the sake of __________ ___ __ ____. :D

Actually, whenever I talk of BB, I keep thinking about & missing n6. :/
I mean, at our previous (last) outing with Van, it was BB and WG and Gee-spasm, HAHA.
Okay yes I feel very sad now nevermind.

Actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes, I wish you'd realize the reality of it all.
I don't know why its falling apart, &I don't want it to.
But then again, I don't know how to break it to you.

A suffering silence, wanting to be heard.
How long more can it last, before it all disappears?

Fangirl moments.

2009-06-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

I feel proud.
I've just written three chapters of my TOOBIN fanfic in 3 hours, lol.

Congratulate me for over-fangirling, yes, I know.
Anyone who wants to read, feel free to ask me on MSN, or on the tagboard is fine too. :D
It's a TOOBIN fanfic, which means;
Yoobin + TOP = TOOBIN.
&it also involves main characters that include;
Sun Ye, Sun Mi, G-Dragon(Jiyong).
Basically, its a WONDERBANG thing. :D

WONDERBANG IS NOT DEAD~
Oh and I just read finish this other fanfiction on Soompi which was a Toobin fanfic too, but the person included so much G-bin as well that it totally makes me feel like.. idk, becoming a G-bin fan. ): (I know G-bin isn't the correct term but whatever haha braindead now okayz 3hours of writing!) But yeah. I feel so much less Toobin now, lol. Darn.

CL is awesome. :D

2009-06-11T01:06:00.001+08:00

Her rap's so cute LOL.
I don't think they debuted at like, any "wrong" time or anything.
I think its just right, and in any case, I'm proud of them for being able to bag like, 3 awards in just a month.

Meh. Can't wait for more of their songs in July~
2NE1 HWAITING! :D
P.S. Wonderbang is not dead.

I know that I've got issues.

2009-06-09T21:55:00.003+08:00

Now playing: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You

Sometimes it amazes me how much of everything in this world that I've taken in and kept inside, and sometimes it amazes me more to realize how easy it is to let everything out. Been feeling in the slumps and dumps lately (or rather, a few weeks back), and I've been feeling really great and better recently, but somehow, others' still see me as a grumpy, antisocial, irritated, frustrated and very stressed freak. I don't deny that I am, truthfully, very stressed because of my academic situation now, and for my future. But I resent, and am totally against the very "truth" that others speak about. To be honest, I really was feeling better, until all this emotions ran wild, and came up, suffocating the silence that was once there.
I never realized how everything that had transpired these past few - what - 7? 8 years? It's been such a long while, yet nothing disappeared. Whoever said that they forget about a certain thing, that it never happened, must be the biggest liar in the entire world. Honestly; everything up till now, I'd never realize, until today, how it all had actually been building up and collecting, piling, day by day, with emotions, with euphoria; worry; sadness. Nothing was lost - transpired time means nothing but the gathering and building up of fire - that finally could no longer be contained, and erupted; spread-ed; mothered; all today.
It's amazing the way people can look upon one another, and think about "how inconsiderate" or how "ignorant", or "selfish" others are, when by doing so, they never realize that they themselves are being -whateverissaid- too. Don't you, by calling others selfish, ever think that perhaps you're being selfish too, because you simply label others as a fish, without even trying to find out, or realize, the true intentions of so-and-so?

Still, this doesn't stop me from feeling that I should be more appreciated.
Not that I already am not. I'm certainly loved, and very thankful to have such people around me in my life everyday, caring for me; even if its through worry, lies and frustrating emotions. Yet more often than not these people don't even realize the burden that I have to carry, and the shoulders that I have to uphold, for their sake. True, I do feel loved, and appreciated, and I am very thankful just enough for the fact that there is at least one soul caring for me, regardless whom. Yet I can't help but feel, each day, that my role in this state is getting more and more challenging, more and more difficult. Now don't get me wrong; this isn't directed at anyone, its just that if I happen to mention the so-called role that you play in this role-play, its just a name. Just a name, just a way of saying, but nonetheless said with no trace of malice, angst or intention to hurt. So bear with me.
Living day by day in this state, its very mentally tiring, and very physically draining. Maybe its because of the close bond that we shared since young? I don't know. Maybe its just how things are. Maybe its of my selfish thoughts of not letting go of the close bond that I shared with my brothers. Maybe its just me. But every single time, when so-and-so aren't around, they look for me. They look for me, asking me to go out, wanting me to go online to talk to them.. well, its countless, and I can't remember now but I will anyway (since it all piles up and stores -- remember?) I don't know. Of course I appreciate, and I'm thankful that they actually look for me, because I've been waiting for them to say something, to know, that they haven't forgotten about me. But you know the crunch. Its the feeling where, after your friend gets betrayed, she comes running to you, after all those years that she specially ignored you, anyway. Its the feeling when you, are simply a 'spare tire' of the sort, simply a stand-in. Its the feeling where you're on stage, but not on stage, rather backstage, ready to run in should anyone require you to stand-in.

And its not a nice feeling.
Its a feeling that evokes putrid vomit up your gut; its a feeling that makes you feel like you're already living within the deepest, lowest, deepest pits of, well, the underground world. Its as though you're just there to be a replacement. Where you once stood beside, you now stand behind, ready to run in-front to stand-in, should the new person in-front of you disappear. Its horrible, y'know? Its like when they want you, you go and when they don't need you, you're invisible. It's horrible, more so, especially when you know, deep inside, that you were once there, and not shadowed at the back. I'm probably reading too much, but then again maybe its due to all the gathering and collection of feelings that I've harboured over these few years. And each time they look for me for company, I can't help but feel like a shoo-in, and nothing more. A temporary role. A temporary existence, of which, when you're not needed, you're thrown back into the sidelines.

I hate this part right here.
----------------
Now playing: Pussycat Dolls - I Hate This Part

Of course I feel hurt. What did you think, really?
But what can I do but hide measly behind this screen, typing my heart out, translating it into strings of words? Its one of those times where you want someone to know how you feel and get them to understand you, yet its also one of those times where you don't want people to find out, just because. You don't want to end up causing more trouble, stirring up more storms. You don't want to end up creating more tension between everyone, and being the epicenter of where things fall apart. And because you simply don't want to hurt anyone. Yet, on the contrary, your heart's crying to let them hear. Your head tells you to be sensible and not cause any shitstorms, but your heart's scrawling to be free, and to let your hidden voice be heard.

And because its one of those times where you simply don't know if you want them to know or if you don't want them to know.. you type it here. You type it here, leaving it to fate if so-and-so reads whatever you're saying, and you leave it to chance. Perhaps shitstorms may erupt, perhaps the wind may blow oh-so-gently over everything you've typed.
And because you don't know which you want, you leave it, hoping it'll be decided, on its own.

------------------------------------------------------

Well, now that everything's (or at least, three-quarts of it) is out, YOU GOTTA SMILE DEAR. :)
A smile goes a long mile, lalala.
A smile makes you happy.
A smile gets rid of your wrinkles.
To hell with whoever that denies your strength.
To hell with bastards. To hell with that asshole inside you saying you can't do it.
To hell to these; 'coz you're going to Heaven, darlin'.

"People tell you to pray to go to Heaven, but no one tells you what to do when your whole life's in Hell."
- Nah I'm not feeling that way now. In fact I'm pretty much contented now. Well, actually, whether I love my life or not changes very frequently according to my mood. And according to the fluctuating (wrong word, whatever) mood swings that I have now, that's.. well, very frequently, that's all I can say. Back to the point; quote's from AC's dance concert. It was awesome, and their SYF dance was so FTW and win that it really makes me feel like going JC for the sake of dance again. Its totally the feeling where like; if I go JC and don't get into dance, I'll drop into poly, haha.

Y'know, I still haven't made up my mind.
But one thing's for sure, I'm 35% overseas, 29% poly, 36% JC now.
Haha I know, not very distinctive decisions or weightage, but oh-well.

[POSTNOTE: Yes I know I sound like I'm talking to myself. But really, so what?]
[POSTNOTE2: This isn't a rant, darlin'. This is called pouring your heart out into lengthy strings of words that never seem to end. It's different, btw.]

Perhaps we're not meant to be.

2009-06-07T22:07:00.002+08:00

Maybe we're just world's apart,
And so torn apart,
That salvation is crawling away,
Tragedy's at hand,
Its not meant to be.

--------------------------------------
I miss you.
To whoever that I haven't talked to in a long while, I miss you.
And especially, IMY Cookie.
Please make sure you call me when you come back to SG okay? :(
I want to see you before you go onto your 1k plane and far far away.

Prince Charming's on a vacation,

2009-06-05T17:42:00.003+08:00

Lady Luck's dead.

Don't bring up whatever shit you can't push down.
That's all I'm ever gonna say. :)

(P.S. I'm out of your league, out of your game. Its your start, and yours to end.)

[Backlog] !!! :D

2009-06-03T22:48:00.006+08:00

BACKLOG TIME! :D
Okay that makes no sense.
Basically its where I post all the out-dated, small events&photos. Haha.
Anyway for more important backlogged events, like the ballet outing etc,
I'll post it in a separate post that it deserves :)

SINGAPOREFLYER.
Mum had free tickets since years ago, so since it was gonna expire soon,
We went to ride it. :) Honestly I never liked the flyer,
Plus I find it a real waste of time when USS or the IR isn't even up yet.
But meh, nevermind.

Yayyyy welcome.

They had -insert gasp- a Yakult vending machine!!!! :D
Super cute. I told you I have this vending machine ~~fetish.~~
Oh, right, did I mention this gross thing I saw at PS the other day?
I was there with my bro right outside Daiso, and there was this vending machine.. vending, well, accessories, keychains, etc. And it was very.. dolly, girly, etc. And its gross.
Like wtf you want to eat accessories is it.
I like unique & different vending machines, BUT AT LEAST SELL FOOD RIGHT.
(=_=)

YAYY its too big to fit into Olympus FE-190.
Btw can I say I'm super proud of my dearest FE-190? 8D
Despite its 'oldness' the photos came out rather satisfiable & awesome to me.

Catch the sunset.
(Wtf is that stupid white dot there =_=)

Me&Cookie! :D
Nah, don't say you got no photos okay. Is you don't save from here. 8D

Children playing at the pool, at the foot of the flyer.
Love the gorgeous lighting~

Pinku flyer HAHA 8D

FARMVISIT.
Very random. Went when we went earlier to camp to pick my bro up, haha.
Though I wish we could've stayed longer, and I could've gotten more shots.
The smell was horrendous and very much horrifying, though, which my dad couldn't stand, unfortunately, even for a few minutes more. D:
The goats and mehmehs were scary, with their horns and whatever.
If they are horns (whatever -_-)

I think I took photo of their dogs more than the goats (or cows, since the signboard said its a cow farm) themselves, lol.

(insertheart)

Farm.

OMO IS THAT PLEATHER/XERO I SEE. 8D

Catch the sunset (again).
This set was captured with P80. :3

Okay backlog to be continued next time.
Got work to do now D8 agh.

Peek into my daily life [much?]

2009-06-03T20:59:00.003+08:00

Looking through my temporary folder (where temporary photographs are, well, temporarily stored until I have the temporary time to temporarily blog about them), I realized that I still have lots of photos & events that I've yet to blog about.

Therefore, as of today, I resolute that I shall try my utmost best to clear up this folder,
By posting the pictures and recounts of these events here,
And also as a way of making up for my period of absence in the past few weeks.

As of this post, today,
To thank the people that has been following this retarded page,
I'm going to post pictures that give you (the readers) a peek into my daily life! (:D)
(Orz okay so not really but yeah just pictures of the mess that I'm living in now)
(Okay so anyway enjoy. Bracketed words are informal, btw. 8D)

The Little Mermaid dustbin in my room that (thankyou!) Ducky gave to me as a gift from Japan. :D ilu. Its pretty small though, and I kinda have to empty the bin every 2 to 3 days or so (...)

This is called the-lump-of-school-books-terrorizing-my-bookshelf.
And this isn't even all of it yet. Crazy to be a student, not? ._.

Nah my stack of notebooks sticking out of nowhere in the middle of my bookshelf.
No space to fit them all, so. Meh. :/
(Btw anyone interested in buying Dean Koontz's book 'False Memory'? D: its really good, but the fact is that I find his stories getting a bit dry and too similar for my liking these days IMO, and I'll prolly collect Neil Gaiman or Tim Burton [I still can't find his oyster boy book wtf i want] instead. 8'D)

The pile of books, worksheets and 90% of them are all chinese stuff.
Well I took them all out to study for chinese O's, and I don't know where to dump them now because there's no space. So I just dump them there for the time being.
Mind you its not safe okayz. The pile looks like its gonna collapse every (next) minute.
Meh, earthquake.

And this, *very proud* is my latest guilty pleasure :D
You could call it cheap thrill too, but its not that cheap to begin with (I presume), so.
Meh. Much thanks to my bro for buying this for me at his school~
BUTTER BISCUIT = WIN.
Biscuit + layers of chocolate + Ritter Sport = WIN.
If you haven't tried it, you should. :'3
Its very (very very very very) fattening but whatever la.
I'm gonna go drill myself to swim & exercise more soon. Fats are stacking, ugh.

Okay the end HAHA.
Gonna post more random photos in the posts to come.

BigBang & uh.. what. Katy Perry?

2009-06-02T22:47:00.003+08:00

BIGBANG at the start yayyy.
HWAITING~~
To be honest I was quite appalled at Katy Perry's 'Hot n Cold'.
Seriously, she sounds so much better in the studio recording. D:
Prolly just one of her bad live performances.
But still... argh.

New blogskin.

2009-05-30T23:51:00.002+08:00

2 days to chinese O's.
Decided I really couldn't stand that... idk, Earth-saving blogskin anymore,
And that I really needed a fresh change.
I know I'd said I'd password-lock my blog, but I'm just... too lazy and busy to code right now.
-depressed-

So anyway, I got this off blogskins.com and tweaked it here and there to suit the color scheme that I want, haha.

Maybe I should start typing in formal English. Then I'd be able to, well, actually, secure a A1 for English O's. Meh.
Anyway much of this skin is inspired, and very much based, on Monsoon / Through the Monsoon, by Tokio Hotel. Have I mentioned that Bill's hair looks cute? :D
And the MV looks so.. Burtonish. I rike.
I really love this song, honestly. The lyrics are so... well, sentimental, and very lovely.
&though I much prefer derive comfort and solace in another song's lyrics,
I really dig this song too. So there.

Will be back when I'm slacking my butt off again, or when I'm dying and need somewhere to, well, talk. :) in the mean time, wish me good luck for chinese o's, thank you.
I'm very, very scared, because I just want a stupid B4 so that I can throw chinese away forever.
I don't want to take it again, because I can't afford the time.
I can't.

You can do it.

Cosplay Wishlist.

2009-05-28T21:41:00.004+08:00

Since I need to get this out of my head now.
Not in any order, but just the characters that I wish to cosplay some day~
Though some are very likely IMpossible for obvious reasons -coughcough-
& I believe my passion to cos some of the characters may fade inevitably,
before the event itself, so. What to do, haha.
Anyway top priority is still the EOY cosplay with Rayna first :)
Then comes smexy polaroids & more funds into my dslr fund, yo.
1. [Pokespecial] Marge (Team Magma ftw 8D)
2. [Chrono Trigger] Lucca (Obsessed with her headgear~)
3. [Shining WindXTears] Elwyn (Elves ftw.)
4. [Shining WindXTears] Xecty (My favourite~ :3)
5. [D. Gray Man] Jasdebi (Ahha, well. Gray skin's a turn-off to me, though.)
6. [Pokespecial] Sapphire (I want a Ruby too 8D)
7. [Nightmare Before Christmas] Jack Skellington (Okay I'm too short and fat ignore me.)
8. [Corpse Bride] *whatshername* (Lol the corpse I mean. Was it 'Elizabeth'? I can only remember Victor & Victoria's name, so..)
9. [Dynasty Warriors 4] Xiao Qiao (Always wanted to drag Vinus to be my Da Qiao lol. Omg making the fans would be so godly and fun prz~)
10. [Dream of Doll] Shall (Okay I confess, I just love her dress.*_*)

Mhhm, I just hope no one does these characters before me (well some haven't been done before so)..
Though honestly I don't really care, its just that I won't have that much of a,
Let's say, desire to cos these characters anymore if they're cosed before, yo.

Today I came home from 7hr of chinese, 0.5hr of amath and 1.5hr of bio.
Reached home at about 6pm, and totally plonked on my bed & only woke up at 8pm later.
Ahh freak I'm so tired. :((
And I miss my social life.
Sometimes, I just really get sick of you so bad because I know you're always lying to me,
And that you've never once told me the truth before, or held me in the same regard,
As I've always held you - as a friend.
But sometimes, I always find myself back beside you,
Simply because.. there's no one else I can go to.
Ironic, isn't it.
As much as I'd like to throw a fit at you,
You're the only person left with me.

Why, is life so difficult?
I'll get stronger, no matter what, I have to, I have to, I will.

Dysfunctional Dementalism.

2009-05-23T14:20:00.002+08:00

Been very upset, irritated and very mood-swing-ish lately,
So really honestly, I'm terribly sorry to anyone who happens to talk to me / piss me off / irritate me unintentionally in this due course of me and my irrational thoughts and behaviour :/

I seriously have no reason for why I'm like this either.
I don't even know what I'm crying about, or what I'm upset for.
And I don't know why I get so irritated over every small, little thing.
And whatever reason people comes up for me,
I, somehow, just take it in and associate it with it.
But after thoughts & thoughts, its just really apparent that its not the real cause after all.
To be honest, I have no idea what's the real cause of everything.
I don't even feel tired, as how I felt tired the other apparent time.
I just feel so irrationally upset & easily irritated.

So, sincerely, I apologise if I offend anyone, or irritate anyone unintentionally.
Its just that right now, I'm not ready to take any crap, insults or comments from everyone.
I just feel this desperate need to be alone, and talk to myself.
I don't know why.
Its not that I want to be alone.
I just don't need extra mouths talking about me, commenting, scrutinizing, criticizing and picking on me right now, because I have more than enough of that kind of crap everywhere.

4years.
Maybe its the fact that I've held high this fake facade,
Especially strongly over these four years...
Four years. Is it enough to change someone, so much so,
That they forget who they once were?
I'm surprised & at the same time very irritated at myself,
because I simply can't pin-point the cause of everything.
The cause of everything, &the cause as to why I'm like this.
I don't even know myself inside out.
So how do you expect me to explain to you, why?

Is four years such a long time,
Long enough to erase, erode and wash away,
The remnants, the interior, of what was before?
Honestly.

I need a calling. I need an answer. I need.. someone to tell me its okay.
That its okay, and alright, to not know who you are.
------------------------------------------------------------
You're such a compassionate liar.
I've given up keeping the faith in believing you anymore.
Because there's been so many a times, contradiction, and irony just arises,
That I can't seem to hold you in high regard anymore.
Who you once were, isn't who you are now.
I'm very, very certain.
------------------------------------------------------------
Today in school a particular teacher talked to me,
And I can't say that I didn't feel very particularly touched.
It was a really nice gesture, to be honest,
& I'd never figured that things would actually go to such an extent that,
Well, a teacher could notice.
& as much as I find it worrying for myself, I find it very, very comforting,
That I have these people who are caring for me, who are not oblivious, who are not blind,
Who are not hiding away & fading away when someone, especially a friend,
Needs their help.

Certainly, I feel very blessed to have met such nice teachers.
& especially those who care. & to even mention that this teacher isn't even my form,
Just makes me feel so much more blessed &, well, touched.
Honestly. I can't, and don't, really know what to say except.
Well, thank you. Sincerely, thank you for asking, for rekindling that fading flickering hope.
& dreams. & confidence. & comfort.
------------------------------------------------------------
Am I really, have I really, lost my way?
Are my eyes such a color of un-dark brown,
That you can tell that I've lost the color, lost the way, lost the sign?
Is it that imminent? Is it that obvious?
------------------------------------------------------------
If only there was a guidebook, that could tell me all there is to know of myself.
If only I could read myself inside out, then maybe, I wouldn't even feel this way.
------------------------------------------------------------
I need a hug.
------------------------------------------------------------
There was a time, quite some time back,
Where I told myself that I would stop crying whilst listening to Stone.
Afterall, many a times that I've cried myself to sleep,
I'd always been listening to Stone at the same time.
& the tears would just fall and trickle down,
And end up sogging up the ear buds which end up feeling quite disgusting,
&at the same time impairing my hearing by clogging up my ear.
&I promised myself that - no, no more - I wouldn't cry whilst listening anymore.
&Ever since, I have never listened nor cried at the same time.

Up till now.
------------------------------------------------------------

My blog, this page, the way I type, what I say..

It may all seem very melodramatic, but this is just me.
This is how I type, this is what I feel.
Its all a part of me.

& you know what? Hate me or love me, I don't really care anymore.
After all, its not like the 3 years before this year have done enough to cause
& damage every ounce of my reputation & dignity to begin with.
Maybe its simply because, that's why I can't believe in myself these days anymore.
The only time when I do is when I'm alone, by myself.
Yet in the crowd, in the spotlight, everything crumbles.
Why, why, why?

Yesterday was euphoric & fun with class phototaking.
& today was like a rollercoaster, an epic ride of emotions.
Someone give me the reigns, pull my life back straight.
I need the light, the sign, the heart,
I need to live.

Meh.

2009-05-22T21:58:00.004+08:00

Actually I got lots of stuff to type, and talk about.
But usually, when I wanna blog stuff, its always stuff that I've always thought of before,
And run through my head through and through.
And usually like now I'm too lazy to type it out haha.

Meh.
----------------------------------------------

I'm still deciding if I should go lesson tomorrow, or not.
I don't want to miss ballet, but then again, for some gut reason,
I feel that this week's saturday is gonna be productive, and beneficial.

Then again, what dearest 老师 said to me today really made me pissed off like crap.
With all her WAH PIANG WAHHH PIANNGGG , srsly, irritating much?
I'd rather go ballet than go to school, any day.
Stubborness on my part that I am very clear off, but nonetheless adamant about it.
What's wrong with wanting to follow what you WANT to do, instead of what people MAKE you do, anyway? What, is life about being robots, routines, and controlled by others?

Srsly.
I thought it over, and hey, I thought,
Maybe just missing this once, this once wouldn't be so bad.
After all, dearest O's are not so far away (10 days wtf) & I know I need this extra boost.
Then I recalled what people keep telling me, and I just got pissed again wow.
I don't bloody freaking care if its "just this once" that I miss ballet for chinese.
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

Just when I thought I was changing my mind,
The thought of going ballet again, just to prove others wrong,
Is so bubbling; so strong; that I'm so against going to school for lessons now.

I effing hate peer pressure, and I'm effing not caving in.
Now, even if I want to go lessons, I can't, because I'd effing be proving you "right".

Days in school just piss me off like shit to no end.
Even a simple day where I wake up happily, I come to school & get shit from people & get shit thrown at me that I don't even deserve.

And people dare ask why I'm so grumpy. Yeah, right.

Seriously?
Anyone who knows me better, would know I'd rather give up the world, than miss a day of dance.
Dance is like my only form of escape, my only solace that I can seek to get rid of these contagious, toxic shit that I get every single day.
Its the only thing that makes me happy, its what I love, its what I WANT.
& having people tell me to "just" miss a day of ballet for some other shit subject makes me feel like punching them in the face & throwing them naked into a barrel of spikes.
Honestly, I've never felt so pissed before in my life.

You DON'T control my life, so don't go around telling me what to do.
I know, I know, I know its for my own sake, its for my best.
But I'd rather remain stubborn &do the things that I WANT, rather than listen to people TELLING me what to do. Very stubborn, very stupid, call me whatever you want.
At least I'm happy with what I do, rather than being some old faggot rotting through life.

I'm not your effing robot, dammit.
For some reason, though I've cooled through the bath earlier,
Just thinking about everything makes me effing pissed like crap.
And you know what?
I'm actually enjoying, and very much glad having chinese intensive these few weeks.
I don't even hate chinese anymore, because all of a sudden I find it okay & honestly,
I don't feel any animosity studying it anymore.

But you know what?
Its these goddamn people lecturing me to study, read oral, study, read, don't use the effing dictionary, miss ballet for chinese, etc. that make me DETEST chinese more than ever.

Hey, I'm learning, I'm willing; so don't effing tell me what to do, when I'm doing it.
I'm studying chinese MY way, not yours.
Don't tell me that's a bloody crime.
Because if it is, then this world is seriously blundered.

So for the last damn time.
不要再烦我了。
&老师，请你不要一支故意地说我了。
不耐烦了。我忍不住了。
我忍不住了。

Secret.ly?

2009-05-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really don't know.
Is it that you don't like me, or what?
What have I ever done, anyway?
What was it that I said, or did?

Its as clear as day, its as similar as when someone doesn't like you,
And tells you that straight in your face.
Your actions say it, your tone tells.
You may think it doesn't, but it does more than you would know.
And its throat-cutting, its hurting.
Because I have never held you, never once,
In suspicion, or disregard, about you as a friend.
Never, ever once.

So honestly. Why?
If you really don't like what is it that I do,
Then tell it to my face, straight.

Stop these guessing games,
because they're not fun when you create hurt.

Not one of them.

2009-05-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

My new source of motivation, inspiration, and strength.
Who says nothing good comes out of gaming? Really.

D. Gray Man Photoshoot.

2009-05-13T20:07:00.003+08:00

Eh I can't believe I've never posted this here before.
But anyway, for memories' sake, here it is^____^
Taken sometime back. *strangles* I can't wait for the shoot in June, OTL.
Once chinese o's are over&done with, it's photoshoot time (insertheart),
Then back to mugging. I just can't wait to get this year over and done with ):

Sorry if the pictures don't seem very connected.
Tried to post a different set from the one I posted on cafe, haha. ^_____^;;

Kanda wants to stab you.

Melancholy.

Memories of tomorrow.

Annnnndd, extra, but just an experimental editing technique~

You can see our mama-san in the picture too, HAHA.
Looking back at the folder, I really could've done better. :/
I really don't know why I didn't notice these.. flaws in the angles, background, light, etc. before.
And I can't even imagine why then I thought I did pretty well.
Maybe its because after all the critique and etc. that the flaws became more imminent?
I don't really know, but what I do want to do is to learn from this,
And, ultimately, improve. :)

Today someone said something to me that made me feel very.. well, touched, and at the same time, proud of myself. Maybe it is the camera that did it, maybe it isn't. But either way, I felt accomplished and very much satisfied. Although disappointment still loomed, but nonetheless, I am, all the same, very, very grateful.

--------------------------------------------------
Also big hugs and thanks to the dearest Winnie today who accompanied me, against her better conscience (I presume), ahha. Thank you~

Have hope.

2009-05-05T20:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder and admire all the people around me,
Who are always so, so strong,
And so determined,
And it seems that they have this impenetrable shield around them that just
prevents anyone, and anything, from putting them down.
I really admire their strength,
And it really bewilders me as to why, even to such a large extent,
It is so horribly difficult for me to be the same.

I want to be stronger, and have more heart and hope into everything,
Yet so many a times I only see myself breaking down in the end,
Over small insignificant issues;
Whereas these people around me would instead not rely and indulge in self-pity,
And stand up and hold their heads up high; defeating whatever may come.

Sometimes, I really wish I could be stronger, and have more heart.
Since when did I ever become like this; wishing I could contract some horrible sickness
the very next minute, so that I can land myself into some hospital and pray tell, disappear?
Since when did I ever wish about breaking that metal grate and pushing it down,
imagining myself on the ledge, ready to slip, and fall?
Since when did I ever cry myself to sleep, only to discover a face blemished with tears each
morning, and a soiled pillow soaked with broken hearts and fears?
Since when did I ever look at Olfa ever so cunningly, imaging it running down the
very essence and threads of my skin?
Since when did I grow so weak?
Since when?

But since when, have I actually given up?
Maybe its this fear inside me; that although many a times I think and really feel and
want to just give it up and throw everything all away, this fear, this insolent fear,
keeps whelming inside me, forcing me to actually fear giving up, pushing me over
the edge, as though saying its just not worth it?
Ironically, what you thought would kill you, is actually just holding you up right now,
keeping you alive. And even though it is through the keeping of you alive with burning
anger, hate, fear, insignificance, cowardice and no-hope,
it is still keeping you alive.
It pushes you on, even if you may lose your sanity.
Which only goes to say, it knows you can do better.
What doesn't kill you now, only pushes you on.

Its torturing, its tormenting;
But its keeping you alive.

And that's all that really matters right now.
You are capable. And you are more, than you think.
☃
(the smiley face was ugly orz, so here's a smiling snowman.)

No, matter what.

-------------------------------------
Then again not sidetracking, I'd really like to acknowledge and thank all the
people around me who have always and continuously supported me and urged me on,
regardless of whatever I may say or do. And of course especially a big shout
to E, because while I woke up at the wee hours of 1am and stayed up the entire
morning to do a certain subject, her words really made me inspired to work
harder, and that I can do much more, than I think.
Positive effect, not negative, dear.
Thank you, so much.
(And for always scribbling BB stuff on my book to fangirl over)
-------------------------------------

P.S. Going to privat-ize this page soon, so when I do, if you're smart enough to ask me for the PW, then feel free to ask me via msn. :) Then again, it wouldn't be a very hard PW to code, so I assume people who are already fluent in various css and what not would know the PW even without asking, and granted, I really don't mind (if you discover it that way).
Though, then again, if I don't want to give you my PW, I simply won't. :)

P.P.S. This is just to filter out various lurkers that I know of. Seriously, if I really wanted this page to be fully private, I wouldn't even use an easy-to-crack PW, or give the PW to people to begin with, right? Right.

P.P.P.S. I hate nosy people. :)

Head over heels.

2009-04-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

Dearest Mandy,
Please LISTEN and concentrate on what is important now,
And stop being so egoistic and narcissistic.
And learn to be more responsible,
thank you.
Yours truly, yours truly.

I need someone to slap me, like now, to wake me up. =_=
(Eh no i don't need a slap during bio okay. A poke will do.)

Omg.

2009-04-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

Dear Heaven,
Please strike me down with an arrow or missile or fever or whatever tomorrow,
So that I can avoid taking the stupid midyear examinations this year,
Thank you.

Handwriting crack.

2009-04-26T01:02:00.001+08:00

I love the skinny font best :D
And yes in case you are wondering they are all written by me.
The old handwriting ones were written ~2006/2007.
The rest are all just written.

Okay I want to sleep now since I seriously procrastinated a lot bye.

TOP.

2009-04-25T22:18:00.003+08:00

I love TOP.

HAHA OKAY SORRY MY LAMENESS FACTOR IS LIKE x10000 NOW 8D
But yeah srsly. I was clutching it to sleep this afternoon -_-.
I think sleep's really starting to become a "waste" of time.
I can't do that sleep-little-on-weekdays-catch-up-on-weekends or that
sleep-in-the-afternoon-dont-sleep-at-night crap.
It just doesn't work for me, and I feel tired any way. :/
BAH. I slept like 6 hours after ballet exam on wednesday, and 6 hours today after lesson.
Wtf I think I'm dying. Or growing bloody old. Like, omg, the amount of sleep, omg.

Okay bai I'm eating TOP now (rofl) and gonna go continue Amath.
But I still love TOP anyway. :D

0900, Departure.

2009-04-23T21:57:00.003+08:00

I will miss you.
Please take care in Korea, and stay happy.
You've been such a great friend to me and words certainly aren't enough to express how I feel towards everything that you've done for me these past years that I've known you, though you may not realize it. Be it coming here, to the new ballet centre, or even just going for a simple lunch; every single gesture and time spent with you means a lot to me.
Although you're flying off tomorrow, and I don't know when you'll be back,
It seems so surreal, as though I'll just see you this saturday again, as though you'll be there.
It's as though as time passes, we take things for granted and we often forget that one day, any day, things can, and will, change.
Time passes, paths diverge, people change,
But I believe, with hope, we can achieve much, much more together.
I certainly will miss you, and more so afraid of losing contact.
The past two years have been on the rocks; trying so, so hard to get .n6]]* together again.
But because of you, we've managed to meet, have an outing, and realize how much we can actually put aside and give up; all for the sake of one another.

Take care, and keep in touch.
Yours Sincerely.

P.S. You'd better come back to Singapore or you won't be able to see your Zac Efron!
P.P.S. Please get tickets for me to any Big Bang concerts there. And autographs please. :)
P.P.P.S. You can buy and mail me a Lollipop phone for my birthday. :)

;departure, but not the departed.

APPLESCENTED.

xxx

-

I think people hate me.

I must've been a tea farmer in my previous life.

Not sleeping,

To love, or to be loved.

When life gives you lemons...

Blah.

There's a first for everything.

You're only 17.

BACKLOG UPDATE!

Michiko e Hatchin

I may be the antagonist, after all.

Blah, more money woes.

I love you, Encore.

Lies and delusions.

Things.

Soul Calibur Tira series! :D

The life of a dorama potato.

Lollipop2.

Envious!

Hearsay.

Posting this here because I like it.

Pimpin' this just because.

Vertigo.

Picnic Gang!

In before I feel too lazy to type.

*slow*

I think I get it now.

Scary how much it freaks me out now, when I used to think nothing of dying, eh.

Nodame Cantabile!

Pretty boy(s).

Feeling lazy.

The sky's the limit.

Torn and upset.

If only...

JC OR POLY.

Wai so little time?

Irritated.

And the moondog returns.

Merry Christmas!

Of all days.

Summary of today.

SO09. ♥

Today sucked. And it isn't even Sunday.

HOW COME?

Let Me Hear Your Voice.

I feel like hanging up those shoes.

I am utterly wasting away my holiday.

Meh, you know.

Being born into this family is not easy.

You said you can't please everyone in this world?

Edward all over again. D:

Meh.

Stupid exam chain-smses.

Against the norm.

Art is getting me confuzzled.

I do not enjoy this.

Bleh. & Lollipop.

Hateful Love.

The sad but true reality.

Curse you, Boba!!!

Prelim sucks.

Subtle red,

Can't keep the euphoria.

Heart♥breaker.

You're more than gossip.

Red-handed?

Please slap yourself with a smelly fish.

Frustrating.

I'm the strongest survivor.

Take the party down.

Honestly.

Anticipating.

Meh. +edited.

If this isn't it, then what is?

To the two stars of Hollywood.

Mini-update thinggum.

Fangirl moments.

slow